Bittersweet Goodbyes...

I suppose this blog title will work quite well one last time - I should get around to changing it sooner or later.

Goodbye? What? Yes, saturday was my last day at Fukuroi High School. When in months past I have been hoping and praying for this day to come, as it signified being able to finally live with my husband, the past few weeks have hit me like rainstorm (how fitting in the rainy season) sleeting down and taking over.

Of course, this is not to say I am very excited to have David finally here, and start our new life in Shimada... and also excited to meet all the wonderful students at our new schools - it is just saying goodbye that can be difficult sometimes.

After practicing my speech in Japanese for a few days, and feeling incredibly nervous about it, the term-ending/farewell ceremony was held Saturday morning. The principal said a few words (about me getting married, etc) and then I walked up to the mike, praying my crazy butterflies to go away, my heart to stop racing. All in all, I managed the speech just fine, no tears shed since I didn't understand half of what I was saying, and then a student presented me with pink flowers as everyone clapped, and the students all returning my wide grin (of affection).

The rest of the morning I spent walking around and saying goodbye to all the students, to which I received cheers when I walked in their classrooms and various questions like "Is David Japanese?", "When will you have baby?" and many "I love you!", "Congratulations!", "We won't forget you!" and of course, girls wanting pictures with me. Every time I said goodbye during that last bit of time just kept cutting deeper and deeper, bringing me to the reality that I was actually leaving these students... Of course Shimada isn't far and I can come back and visit, I think there was just a lot influencing my feelings about all this.

I haven't received a lot of recognition this year, which I've heard isn't uncommon. Not that I do things for recognition, but to realize now, that I actually did my job well, when the whole time I was questioning most of what I was doing, wondering if it was good enough or not, hoping my students were learning and understanding, etc. I got all the confirmation I needed in the past week, with teachers telling me they enjoyed our classes together the most (team-teaching English classes) and that they will miss me and wish I didn't have to go. I was pretty aghast at this, so many people teach better than me I think, but I do try to make things interesting and enjoyable as much as possible...

And then, recognition from the students, realizing that my presence was important to them, even if some relationships were quite superficial. It reminded me of my relationships with youth and children back in the U.S., and how so often they work and blossom without deep conversations all the time, kids just like presence and knowing someone is there and loves them, has boundaries for them, makes them feel safe. So in that, even though my Japanese is still at a basic level (but has definitely improved a lot since being here) my relationships with the students still were able to grow and become something meaningful. I feel incredibly blessed in that.

One girl in particular, who's english is quite good (conversational), immediately connected to me in the beginning and our relationship has really been a bright spot in my life over the year. These things all remind me of the things I was made to do and what I'm good at, what just happens whether I'm aware of it or not.

So as I walked away from school mid-afternoon, being stopped by students on the way out, more "I love you"s and "I'm so sad"s, tears started escaping my eyes and I found my voice cracking finally, knowing full well I was about to burst open. Finally, as I was about to leave the driveway, the entire boy's soccer team turned from the field across the way, raised their hands in the air and started waving and calling "Ashurii! Ashurii!" and yelling "I love you!" (I seem to get "I love you" more from boys than girls, girls tend to say I'm cute...). So I gave a big wave one last time, as I let the tears fall, and eventually pulled myself away and walked home.

I'm gonna miss these kids...

Now, time to pack and clean, take care of last minute details, visit my new school on Wednesday, and wait for my husband to finally get here Friday, so we can move this weekend. Yes, time for a new chapter to start.

Damp, Drugged and Dealing with Bugs

The rainy season. This stretch of time where the air is so literally thick it feels like slight resistance when moving. Like a perpetual fog that infiltrates all of this island...just one big sauna for your sweating pleasure.

What good does it do to even take showers in the morning, since you just become sweaty as soon as you walk out the door. I fear my every-other-day hair washing routine may come to an end quite quickly. We won't even talk about humidity and acne.

Does it rain every day? Of course not. Although one would probably assume that. I certainly did. Many pleasant, sunny days abound, albeit hot and humid. In fact, just this past weekend was one of those hot, miserably humid pleasant, sunny days. My dashing husband and I decided to take a trip to our new home come the end of July - Shimada, Shizuoka. David had visited his school there the day before, whilst I was laying in a miserable heap in my equally miserable apartment, taking my first ever sick day from work. Yes, alas, I came down with some cold, trying to convince me it wanted to be a flu, and though I wasn't going to go with David friday anyway, becoming sick on the weekend of his visit did not put me in a very happy mood (on top of a sore throat, hacking out my lungs, etc).

So back to our visit. On our way we stopped to purchase some drugs that I was in desparate need of. My nose took a turn for the worse Saturday and thus left me exclaiming at 10 minute intervals: "DRUGS! I need DRUGS!" Usually, I try to go the natural way as much as possible, but I do have a couple weaknesses, my nose and "that time of the month." Back to the drug store: David, the fluent one, asks for what I need, and then tells me they have no non-drowsy kind. Apparently those are prescription only. Ok, well, something is better than nothing right? My reasoning somewhat far-fetched, especially since drowsy meds in the U.S. act like some kind of tranquilizer for me. We won't even talk about the effects of Benadryl. So I tend to stay far away from drowsy medication unless I just want to be put out at night. David reassures me that he has taken the same kind and he did not get drowsy. Again, my reasoning believes this must all be true, even for my particular body, and pop one of the sugary, M&M looking pills.

Shimada was quite lovely, seemingly quaint, and reminding us very much of Bellingham. We explored some and then went looking for a cell phone store (my provider) to ask some questions. Not long after this, walking back towards the main city area in the heat, I started getting a little dizzy. Not long after that, I started experiencing all kinds of strange symptoms, very akin to that high feeling I got after running in high school... It wasn't long until I was stumbling around and laughing hysterically at things that probably were not that funny. David speculated, out loud, if I would be similar drunk. That concluded our Shimada excursion, since I was too "high" to do anything... I resolved never to take any of these droswy meds during the day again. Unless I want to sleep.

The rainy season also seems to be forcing bugs to find shelter. That shelter seems to be my apartment. Oh yes of course, large spiders, centipedes, mosquitoes, etc. However, just this morning a large wasp was sitting on my living room ceiling. Probably one of the scariest things ever. I nearly had a heart attack trying to suck it up the vacuum. It did not go up the vacuum.... it kept flying out and I kept trying to suck it back up. Finally I got some wide tape, got the wasp just in the vacuum hose and pressed it to the tape. Then I shoved the end of the hose out the door and ripped off the tape so it could fly away. That is when I discovered a wasp nest under my kitchen fan vent overhang. So I then poked my mop handle out the vent and knocked it down. Of course now I keep walking around my apartment like a bear or something is going to attack me at any moment. Oh how much nicer it was to have a guy here this weekend to take care of these silly bugs...

Finally, I thought I might touch on the "uniqueness" of Japanese candy. From my perspective, it appears to be a reflection of the constant "want something new" trend in modern Japan. They come out with special seasonal flavors for so many things and they aren't just things like "mint" for Christmas or "berry" for the 4th of July or things like that in the States (though of course the past few years in the States some candy did seem to go overboard some... like M&Ms and Peeps...

Yet just today at a konbini (convenience store), I kid you not, but there were Apple Vinegar Kit Kats. Yes, Apple Vinegar. Did I buy them? I heavily considered it, but then decided I would probably deeply reject my actions. I now what Apple Vinegar tastes like... would I want to taste it in candy? A Kit Kat? I've tasted watermelon and grape Kit Kats (the former tastes delicious but the grape just tastes like Pepto-bismal) and various kinds of additional textures (of course haven't seen my favorites, mint and dark chocolate *Wikipedia says otherwise*, anywhere here in Japan). They also had ramune, which is the same flavor as that horrible soft cream I had awhile back... the one that tasted like toothpaste or something. So I did not try for any of these odd-flavored Kit Kats this time around. It just made me think about the Japanese obsession with new and different, on a very regular and very constant basis... because once something gets old, it either becomes classic (or tradition) or it just is, old. No longer favored, no longer interesting, just... old. Of course, the U.S. also does this in various settings and ways, but it seems that fads tend to last a little bit longer than they do here... of course, I may be slightly wrong, and again this is just my perception.

Well, my second sick day is almost over, and I need to shower (again), even if it is futile. Till next time... which may or may not be until after we move the end of July and then disappear for a couple weeks...

Time & Ironies

I realize there has been an inordinate amount of silence from me since my last update. There are probably a few reasons for this, or what some might consider excuses.

The first reason, is that the longer I am in Japan, the more detached I feel from my home in Washington. Not in a geographical sense, since Washington will always be considered "home" to me, but in a relational sense. The world continues both here and there, and I am in this one, not that one. So that one exists without me in it, and moves forward, leaving me feeling that I don't fit there anymore. I figured this could happen, but how odd the sense is that your world is essentially no longer your world. So, in sum, this sense of detachment has left me less motivated to update... not that I don't want to share the goings-on with everyone, but simply that is asserts itself as less important... due to its normalcy.

Secondly, there was a wedding. Yes, my wedding. I don't care to write about the details on this blog, but this May wedding, around my birthday, was another distraction from writing and so has been the subsequent transition.

What else? Perhaps the feeling of normalcy. Things aren't new anymore. Not like they were anyway... the sparkle and dazzle has faded into somewhat of a matte. Things just are what they are. This doesn't mean I don't question things or wonder about them, but for the most part, things just are.

Lastly, it is time to say goodbye again. Not to Japan, but to Fukuroi. I just found out that I will be transferred to Shimada High School, in Shimada, Shizuoka. David will be going to Shimada Technical High School (also in Shimada). So, we're definitely happy we are placed close together and also excited about our new surroundings and starting a completely new life together. Just in these moments I'm also quite sad to say goodbye to some of the students and teachers and others I have met and built relationships with, despite the language barrier. Yet, it is time.

And moving. Again. It seems that, moving once a year has become a tradition for me. Every year, I pack up and move everything to a completely new apartment. In some ways, this probably helps me not to accumulate too much stuff, in other ways, it doesn't give me a sense of home yet. I'm hoping eventually, David and I will be able to develop that somewhere... and I'm sure we will. Then I can get a cat.

Things in Japan - the bugs are back in full force, and more so then the last time I said this. I kill about 2-4 mosquitoes (in my apartment) a day. I have bug bites that continue to appear. There are tiny little bugs crawling around. A few weeks ago a giant centipede suddenly appeared, sitting on a pair of pants. I screamed, grabbed the vacuum, and kept screaming as it kept maneuvering away. Then, as I was grabbing my trash bags to put out for collection, a giant spider suddenly started scampering out from beneath them. Again, I screamed, dropped the garbage bags, grabbed one of my shoes and kept trying to throw it at the spider (while screaming). Eventually I got it. Now I always pick up the garbage bags with caution.

I've also had two wasps try to build nests around my apartment. They are dead now.

I don't know what it is about me that the bugs love so much. Dirty little pests.

I've also been noticing various ironies in this dear country. For one, modesty here is an irony. Japan doesn't really have a taboo on nudity like Western countries do (although that continually changes). Yet, they are quite stringent about things like women ALWAYS wearing panty hose with skirts, especially to work. Even if they aren't going to work though, they still wear them. No one ever goes out without them. Or, the fact that in the U.S. at least, women tend to err on the side of caution, by wearing underwear with panty lines with dress pants and such. Japan however, seems to not even know what a thong is, or invisible panty-line underwear, because you can always see it. Same with bra lines or wearing a bra under a white shirt. There seems to be some strange misunderstanding about white shirts - do people really think it is fine to just wear a bra under that? Everyone else can see it. It makes little sense... why where panty-hose when you're showing off your underwear? And that... is a Japanese irony.

Or the fact that, they are so meticulous about sorting trash and yet, in my city at least (I believe it is different among different cities) everyone throws their paper and cardboard into regular burnable trash, instead of recycling it. I think Shimada has a stricter sorting policy than Fukuroi though. We shall see.

Of course, every culture has its list of ironies... it just seems that Japan's are almost too ironic in some ways - and also given it is not so much a diverse nation as places like the U.S. are. Needless to say, it keeps things comically interesting.

Well, I must go for now. My short break of iphone games seems to have left me with 6 mosquito bites on my leg... I don't know how it got that many so fast, but I need to go put something on these... Sigh.

More to say another day.

Mosquito Bites & Bicycle Accidents

It’s official. The bugs are back. Over the past couple weeks the weather suddenly warmed up and humidity returned. Which is like an open invitation for the bugs. Each day I spend about 15-20 minutes of my time chasing mosquitoes in my apartment. Yelling at them, cursing them, their fathers and mothers, their unborn children who will probably torment as well. Though I kill one or two before I drift into sleep each night, I have far too many of those “buzzing by my head” episodes right as I find myself losing consciousness. I cringe, get up, stumble to the light, switch it on and stalk around my room angrily, looking for the offenders. Most nights, they seem to win, as I can’t find them. Sometimes they do their buzzing routine multiple times, keeping me up till odd hours of the night. My pet spider, who is graciously allowed to inhabit my place for free, is not pulling his weight. I discussed this with him just yesterday, but he seemed to be asleep.

And so… just yesterday morning I awoke to two mosquito bites on my arm, and continued to find bites throughout the day – including one on the small of my back. I had pjs on and was buried under the covers, so how he got there is beyond me, and also creeps me out since that must have been quite a feat. He probably went back to all his mosquito friends and told them of this grand tale of heroism…

So yes, spring. The cherry blossoms have come and nearly gone. I managed to get a few shots with my iPhone for you all, but really weren’t all as enchanting as I had envisioned them to be. It seems that their symbolism tends to be what excites everyone – especially for so many people who enjoy picnicking under the blossoms, otherwise known as “hanami.”

Now that the blossoms are dwindling away, buds of green have taken over. The hills around here actually look amazing, as the trees are so many shades of green and the cherry blossoms have given them an almost frosted look. Everything is alive again after winter and it is so refreshing.

In Japan, many changes occur around this time, in reflection of newness of spring. Such as the school year ending in March, and a new year beginning in April. Some teachers are transferred to new schools during this time, and within, school teachers are moved around by student level (1st, 2nd or 3rd years). So, I am teaching with some new teachers, whom I like, and also have more control of what is being taught in my Oral Communication classes, which has been even more refreshing and allowed me to really stretch out some more. Of course, I feel much more comfortable with what I am doing and find myself in these first classes just acting like my goofy self in order to relax the students and make them feel comfortable. I just hope all the good feelings last through at least this next term….(which runs until June/July).

I spent part of Spring Break in Tokyo with David, which was amazing and all too amusing and again reminded me of how much I hate walking incessantly all day long half the time… especially when we were in search of food… we had to go to the U.S. Embassy 3 times to take care of marriage paperwork stuff. Of course, the third time, we had to go out and get a special envelope at the post office to put with my passport application, and since I didn’t want to come back and do it or mail it, we had to go out of the embassy, go to the post office, and come back. I didn’t know this before but when you go to the Embassy you basically go through security like at the airport. We have to take electronics out of our pockets and bags, take out liquids, put the bags through the scanner, walk through the detector, the whole nine yards. The most amusing part for me about this was how many electronics we had between the two of us. At one point, on I believe our 2nd or 3rd trip back in, David was trying to find his electric shaver somewhere in his bag, and since the bag has a million pockets; it was taking him awhile to search. I walked through the detector and was waiting patiently for him to finish digging through his bag, when one of the guards asked another guard (in Japanese) what he was looking for. The other guard replied “she-ba-“ (pronounced: shaaybaa, i.e. shaver) and started laughing, to which the other started laughing, and I of course started laughing because I found the situation so comical, as David is still, trying to locate the shaver…. (He did end up finding it though!)

I think pretty much most of the paperwork we had to do ended up being amusing more than anything and I had to try and keep from laughing in so many cases, such as when trying to be solemn and raise your hand to confirm you did indeed tell the truth on everything you wrote on such-and-such paper, or the fact that Fukuroi City Hall didn’t think we, as Americans, could get married in Japan, and then didn’t believe David’s middle name was his middle name (it’s Japanese and considered a last name in Japan), and finally when they asked David to confirm he was telling the truth about a translation, I, not really aware of what was happening, raised my hand and said yes too, to which both he and the agent told me I didn’t need to do that…. Oops…

And, of course with the warmer weather, means I am out and about more. This also seems to translate into bicycle accidents. The first in my latest series involved me miscalculating the angle as to which I should take my bike up part of the curb. It wasn’t terribly steep, maybe a couple inches or so, but I ended up completely biffing it and fell off my bike, bruised up my arm and left hand.

The second incident I was just puttering home from the grocery store, hardly moving as I’m crossing a crosswalk at an intersection. For some reason I looked away or down, I don’t remember now, and ended up ramming into the curb on the other side (there’s a small 2 foot long corner of curb between the like 6 feet of flat sidewalk for the crosswalk. How I did this, I cannot really tell you. I braked, kinda fell, but still on my feet, as my bike flipped over (after the seat decided to jam itself into my crotch as hard as possible.) Sitting hurt for a few days after that. I also messed up the rear brakes pretty good and I had David on video chat that evening trying to help me fix them (it took forever).

My third accident was just the other day as I was pedaling down the sidewalk behind some person going really slow. I was keeping my distance but waiting for an opportunity to pass him. Finally as he crosses a street, he is veering to the right to go across the adjacent crosswalk. So I happily continue pedaling since I now have open sidewalk. Well, when he turned to the right, he immediately stopped, his rear tire directly in my path. This literally happened in about 2 seconds and I didn’t have enough time to avert my bike, and thus rammed right into the man’s rear tire (and the bike lifting up into me again… as if the pain I had before was some kind of joke). I probably yelled something out loud as this happened though I don’t remember now what it was, but as I caught myself falling and trying to catch my breath I muttered some “sumimasens” and hobbled off with my bike. He didn’t say a word, just turned and looked at me. And that was that. Maybe he couldn’t believe his lucky day, a blonde, female foreigner ran into his bike.

Why? Well, I am pretty much a kind of celebrity here. As the months have gone on, the stares never cease and I seem to attract a lot of attention. (We won’t even talk about what those ridiculous bicycle accidents do for attracting attention….) Lately, I’ve been wearing sunglasses so I can stare back without feeling bad. Sometimes I will meet peoples’ eyes but that doesn’t usually faze anyone. I wonder if my hair were dark brown if that would make a difference – something tells me probably not since I will end up attracting stares somehow anyway. David never seems to get stared at. Unless he’s with me. Oh wait, but then that’s me… We were on a park bench somewhere in Tokyo, just sitting there, talking or not talking, enjoying ourselves, and then every few minutes people walk by with their heads turned 90 degrees, just staring, to which I usually just start cracking up… No one has asked for my autograph yet, although I have been asked for my phone number before…

This is quite a lot, my fault for not updating sooner. Perhaps I will do better next time. Happy Spring!

P.S. David and I have recently had some interesting conversations about how things are at our schools, academics, clubs, etc, and so you might find what he has recently written about interesting (if you want to read more about how those things are in Japan, or at least a general representative, by no means representative of every school). http://aoyama81.blogspot.com/

From Old to New

These days, I don't feel like myself. Maybe that is the point.

My health issues have constantly plagued me, engaging me in some kind of internal battle on a daily basis. Some days, I win; but more often than not, the issues win. Fatigue, low-energy, and various other ailments I have had the past two years. So far, with all the doctors and supposed "experts" I have seen, nothing has been resolved. I thought to just ignore it for the time being when I got to Japan - to figure out what to do later. It seems that ignoring it was a bad idea, as I have felt so much worse since I arrived.

About a week ago, I was feeling particularly bad, with intense off-and-on abdominal pain, in my liver area. Of course, since I have had Hepatitis A, I became quite worried about it and for about 24 hours watched my fat intake just in case. My eyes were also looking kind of funny the few days before that and so I was hoping I wasn't getting jaundice or something again. Well, then Saturday evening, as I'm typing away on IM to David as usual, suddenly I became incredibly light-headed. I had an urge to vomit almost, so I ran to the bathroom. Nothing happened, but my body started shaking uncontrollably and a wave of icy coldness overcame me. I stumbled back to my computer to tell David I wasn't feeling well all of the sudden... and was growing worse by the second. I was panicking, not knowing what was happening or what I should do, and David was afraid I might suddenly pass out, so he helpfully began calling people I knew that might be able to take me to the hospital... well this to no avail at that point in time so I tried my sempai (another ALT who kind of "looks after" new ALTs). I knew she had a car so I thought it might work, and sure enough she answered immediately and said she would come get me after she picked up her car (she had gone to Tokyo that day).

Well while I was sitting there waiting, and David checking to make sure I hadn't passed out, I thought what if my blood sugar is low, and proceeded to drink 3/4 carton of apple juice. I started to feel a bit better, and when my sempai picked me up she gave me a lollipop, which revived me quite quickly... though I was still having abdominal pain.

We go to the hospital in Fukuroi, where they tell us to go to another hospital in the city next to Fukuroi. So we headed there and waited for about an hour or so in the waiting room. Of course, I ended up having to call David so he could talk to the reception guys, since they didn't seem to understand me even though I kept pointing to my abdomen and telling them (in Japanese) that I had pain there.

When we finally saw the ER doctor, he briefly tapped my abdomen and then ordered a CT scan. I was surprised that was all he did...

I'm no stranger to CT scans since I've had one before, and I really don't enjoy them, but it turned out better than I thought because they didn't have to give me the imaging fluid I had in the states. After waiting for awhile, again, the doctor called us in and pointed out everything on my scan was normal. Then he pointed to my intestines and said "constipation" and my sempai, started cracking up hysterically... Of course I am trying to keep a straight face, and since I also knew the pain I was having was not constipation since I know what that feels like (and please, I'm sure you all do). Then he said "very much stool, very much stool" and kept repeating it, as my sempai is laughing her head off and says "Ashley, all you need to do is take a crap..." to which of course I had to laugh, so I'm trying to tell the doctor my pain isn't constipation while I'm laughing, my sempai is laughing, and he continues to repeat "very much stool."

Finally I asked to have a blood test done when I told him about my drastic blood sugar crash that evening. They took my blood, and we waited, again, for quite some time. As we were waiting, the receptionist guys started saying something about my supervisor coming, but I wasn't sure if they were asking me if that was ok or telling me. I said no, she didn't need to come, but again they didn't understand my Japanese I think. We heard clicking heels from around the corner and knew she had arrived. She probably thought I was dying and I really didn't want to worry her...

So then the doctor explained to all of us, that all my blood tests were normal. He said my blood sugar levels were normal, though I pointed out I had just drank a 3/4 carton of apple juice, a vitamin water, and eaten a lollipop. He seemed to think that didn't matter even though, of course it does. So then I dropped that, since I knew I wouldn't get anywhere with it, and instead starting talking about all my prior issues and what's been wrong with me (since my supervisor was there to translate). However, this ended up with me in tears as he kept saying nothing was wrong, and I even pointed out that I have not been able to gain weight in 2 years... to which they both thought that meant I wanted to get fat. "You want to get fat?" "No, I want to know that I can weight if I tried." "So, you want to get fat?" "NO. I want to be able to gain weight." "So you want to get fat?" ..............

The doctor then explained that my fat level is perfectly normal for the average, 23-year-old, Japanese woman. My lip curled up ever so slightly as I responded... "but I'm not Japanese..." This did not seem to phase the man at all, so I pulled the sleeve of my arm up to reveal my bony wrist, waving it in the air as I exclaimed "look at how bony my wrist is! Look! Look!" Again, no expression crossed his face as he replied "Ok, ok." (meaning, it is ok, normal, fine, why am I waving my arm around frantically...) At this point I was near tears, exhausted and exasperated by the entire night, so I jumped up and flipped down the waist band to my pants (which I think shocked both my supervisor and the doctor), pointed to my hips, (which are also quite bony, and jut out as if to try and convince, at least Americans, that I am near anorexic), and said "LOOK! Look at my hips! Do you see how bony they are?" Again, he calmly reassured me I was fine. I slowly sat down again, crying because my abnormalities were not apparent to this supposed expert. He finally asked, (as I am trying to stop crying) if I wanted a laxative to take home, to which I responded with a resounding no. Probably more than anything to protest his diagnosis. He then proceeded to ask the same question 3 times, to which my "no" became stronger and more defiant. I realize it was somewhat juvenile, it was just a laxative after all... but I am not a big fan of them anyway since they can mess up your system, and mine is already having issues.

I visited a doctor this past week after the ER, who supposedly specialized in internal medicine. When I arrived however, and gave her my extensive explanation of all my issues and all the things I had done to figure out what was wrong the past 2 years, she told me she was a Cardiologist and really wasn't sure what was wrong. She mentioned something about a skin issue, although I'm not sure where that came from since I am not having any skin issues. To her credit, she's a very nice lady and tried her best to help me, I actually ended up taking home a bag of hatsuga genmai (sprouted brown rice) for free when I saw her last time. She claimed it worked miracles for her when she has had problems before (though nothing like what I was talking about). Then I realized later at home the brown rice I had been eating WAS hatsuga genmai - it is the only kind of brown rice I can find at the store. It has some special amino acid in it: GABA. The doctor had explained GABA has anti-stress effects; it is very calming - but in my preliminary research I have found that this anti-stress effect is actually more of a sedative... Considering I'm tired all the time, not sure how great that is for me...

With these things, and other things that have been happening, I've recently realized how much I am struggling to figure out this new self and new life, as opposed to being my old self in my old life. Just with life changes, normal adjustments, particularly in a completely different place, is really forcing me to come to terms with these things and at the same time, bringing up things on a more magnified scale for me to address. They can be easier to ignore when they are the norm in every aspect of your life, including your relationships with others, but in a completely different life, you realize they aren't a norm. I realize it is a bit vague, but it could be different for everyone, maybe tendencies or habits you have, how you react to others and what they do, how you make decisions, or how much or little you function on feelings/emotions or rational thought.

In other news, the school year has ended here at Fukuroi High School. We are now on spring break so I try to keep myself entertained at work. The new school year, and seeing all those bright and shiny faces of new students, will begin April 7th. This weekend I'm meeting David in Tokyo for a few days, to take care of various things, and the cherry blossoms are all out and about now so if I actually remember to bring my camera, I will take pictures. We don't seem to have any blossomy trees in my city so things still look a bit lifeless, although some things have been blooming... and yes, the bugs are back. In fact I've already killed two mosquitoes in my apartment just this weekend (what with our 70 degree weather...). Of course now it went back to low 60's... and supposed to be in the 50's this week, but at least I'm not in freezing cold Washington.

Anyway, so, no I don't feel as much like myself. I'm somewhere between an old self and a new self, with of course, real parts of myself intact somewhere within. Though it feels stressful and at times discrepant, like I said, maybe that's a good thing.

Spring on the Way

The weather seems to be undecided - winter? Spring? Winter? Spring?

I sit comfortably in my apartment now, without the heat on, for the first time in months. The temperature is in the mid-60's - and the air is quite calm, the skies gray, outside. I hardly slept last night due to what sounded like some torrential rain storm. Rain and wind, pounding the windows, rattling the doors. I can't complain though, as it is so nice to finally enjoy a comfortable temperature.

So a few things to discuss from the past few weeks. One thing is now for sure - David's transfer to Shizuoka (where I am) was approved. There's a bit more ambiguity following this for how things roll out in the coming months - so we're hoping for the best. So I find it interesting, now, to think about being in Japan for some time. I am excited about it, and wouldn't have it any other way, but just strange in some ways since I never imagined I would be in a place in life such as this.

Last weekend, I attended the wedding of a coworker of mine. She's about my age and we talk somewhat frequently. Of course I committed so many faux pas I think I seemed pretty ridiculous. First of all, I don't own a dress, so I decided to wear a skirt and sweater, figuring those would be at least presentable enough. Yet, in Japan, most women dress up, REALLY dress up, and so all the women at the wedding were decked out in what seemed more like formal wear or something. Sparkly wraps, shiny heels, extravagant up-do's. And here was I...plain brown skirt, blue sweater (which was a V neck, like most of my sweaters, and though I wear a shirt underneath it and lack anything resembling cleavage, I think I scandalized the mother of the bride, as she couldn't stop disgracefully looking at my bright white exposed neckline. In Japan, most women's shirts are not V's, or they are very small V's, and they say that girls here prefer leg-revealing clothing rather than chest-revealing clothing), and my hair down. As if my blond hair isn't enough to make me stand out - the clothing definitely didn't do anything for me. "Hello! I'm a foreigner! Look at me!"

Tradition expects that wedding guests bring a monetary gift - in what apparently requires a fancy, decorated envelope. Well, I was at the store the day before the wedding, searching for an envelope, but I can't read all of the kanji so I wasn't sure which envelope to get. I asked Josh (David's brother) about one I emailed him with my phone, to which he responded that was for funerals so not to use that particular one. I was tired, and didn't feel like spending this much effort picking out an envelope, so I chose a more plain one with no kanji written on it. I also figured this act would cut down on environmental waste (I tend to use this as justification a lot...) Of course this ended in failure as well. I pulled out my rather plain envelope while waiting in line with the other guests, and as I peered around me, noticing all the sparkly ribbons, colorful papers, etc... I realized I had again committed some social mistake. I apologized as I handed my envelope to the attendant, who smiled and thanked me anyway. As I walked away to sign the guest book, I peered over my shoulder to see her stuffing my homely envelope under the pile so it was hidden. I couldn't help but laugh at that.

The guests all waited in a room drinking tea and non-alcoholic cocktails as we waited for the wedding to begin. The bride's mother attempted to converse with me in Japanese - I held on for the most part until she asked something out of my vocabulary range. My kocho-sensei (principal) saved me at that point as he came over to translate and talk to me in English. That began a long day of him announcing to each and every guest that I was next to get married.

When the wedding was about to start we were ushered out of the room. However, this was done according to family, then men, then women. I, of course, wasn't really listening closely and started walking with each group (family and then men) and my coworkers had to remind me to wait each time. You would think I may have noticed all the men at least when they called the men...

The ceremony was in some castle-like tower at the hotel we were at. It had a square-shaped spiral ramp that rose gradually to the top of the tower. The ceiling of the spiral was quite low, and held off from the main area by bars. So the guests all line up around this narrow "passageway", pressed against the decorative iron, and watching the procession in the center.

The bride then walks down this corridor (with her father), as all the guests snap millions of pictures. The groom stands with the man performing the ceremony (who was a foreigner, to my surprise, though I couldn't determine his accent, as it wasn't one I am familiar with). As the bride joins the groom, the man, dressed in a cloak, begins with: "Welcome to my castle. I am the Lord of this castle," proceeding to perform most of the ceremony in English, though I doubt many people understood him. Getting married in Japan is slightly less complicated than in America (so it seems) and so all you technically need to do is go to city hall and sign a piece of paper - Congratulations! you're married. I mentioned this to a fellow teacher and she replied, "yes, but it is very difficult to get divorced!" Touche.

So as I bit my tongue to keep from laughing at this cloaked lord, suddenly smoke begins billowing out around the floor so they look like they are standing in fog. I think it was supposed to be romantic - or maybe just cover the less aesthetic green carpet...








It wasn't a traditional Japanese ceremony by any means, but certainly felt like something you would experience in Japan. Like the rings floating down from the top of the tower, on a heart shaped pillow, held by balloons. Everyone oohs and ahhs and exclaims "sugoi!!!!" (like... great, or wonderful or something to that extent).

After the ceremony the bride and groom walk back up the corridor as everyone throws fake petals right in their face. Then the bouquet toss... which was actually three fake bouquets (the bride kept hers). I joined in the catching fun, mostly because I was practically pulled in. Someone told me if I caught it I would be the next to get married (I don't think they knew we do bouquet tossing in America) to which I replied, somewhat tongue-in-cheek, "well I am the next one getting married..." Now, when you think of a bouquet toss, perhaps crazed single women pushing and shoving to grab the thing might bear image in your mind - but in Japan, because of the cultural mores of humility, the bouquets just fall to the floor each time and the girls all motion to each other to "go ahead", "no you, really, go ahead" and so you have everyone standing around motioning to each other to pick up the bouquets, whilst they just lay on the floor. I found this indescribably funny because of the irony...

The reception included various typical events akin to western weddings, cake cutting, stuffing cake in each other's faces, etc. The bride and groom's parents also walk around filling all the guest's glasses with some alcoholic drink (though I had OJ). It was an 8 course meal - of which I could only eat part of, or chose to eat part of because it tends to be fancy food which really just tastes horrible. Bingo was played...somehow I won. The entire thing. A portable DVD player was my prize, to which I've been attempting to figure out how to hack and make it all regions instead of region 2.

The guests are also given various gifts. I left with two bags and the centerpiece (everyone told me to take it). I received a few boxes of food, and some catalog you can choose an item from and order. Definitely different... but not anything we are going to mimic so don't get your hopes up.

And that folks... was my first experience at a wedding in Japan.

My restrictive diet is going somewhat well. I believe my body is going through some intense detoxing right now and so I am a bit all over the place - emotionally (and my wonderful fiance never complains - seriously that's a great guy right there...). So I can hardly eat anything but am trying to be creative and experiment, and hanging in there when I feel like driving my head through a wall. Valentine's Day has made the chocolate cravings all too intense, to the point where I have this incredible loathing for Valentine's Day simply because of its advertisements for creamy chocolate truffles....... oh sigh.....

I also think I may have discovered a food intolerance I have, though its still too soon to tell for sure. We'll see in the coming weeks if my hypothesis is correct or not.

Despite my constant fatigue and general blah feelings, I went to the flower arranging club (ikebana) last week so I could silence my superiors about their constant expectations for me to be involved - even though I probably do much more than they see, and hardly have energy to take care of day to day things, much less do more. So I went, and had fun with the girls, creating art of course with flowers. They were all amazed and asked if it was my first time, which it was. But... I used to do this kind of thing when I was little, with my mom, and besides, I have a general eye for these things, not to mention taking numerous art classes and learning all about how to create something "dynamic." Anyway, it was quite enjoyable, and has made it feel more like spring in my apartment, which is wonderful.

I suppose this has now become quite long... and I do have more to do today in the way of cleaning, cooking, errands, etc. It's my domestic weekend.

Until next time.

My Friend, Japan

What is this? The sun is now setting at a later time, and I am overjoyed at the fact daylight is slowly increasing again. I've had quite enough of the winter darkness. Sometimes I am jealous of the bears that sleep all winter. What a life.

Probably not too realistic though. What excitement though, that spring is heading this way, oh so slowly. As I was walking yesterday, I saw a flock of birds in their typical V, heading north. I was so beside myself with excitement and fascination - exclaiming in my head that this must be a sign of spring's forthcoming arrival. Although to many, the weather really may seem like nothing, what with endless sunny days and daytime temps typically around the 40s or 50s. Yet, I rarely leave the warmth of my heater. Nonetheless! I await spring with anticipation.

So tomorrow marks 6 months since I arrived in Japan (and ironically, today marks 6 months till the wedding). The months have surely flown by, and yet at times the days have a tendency of dragging on forever. Lately I have been contemplating the development of this pre-wedding relationship between David and I - how it changes, adjusts, and adapts. The more I thought, I realized the same idea applies to my relationship with Japan. Yes, relationship.

Those first days of overwhelming amazement, awe and fascination, strikes out on that note. I "fell in love" so to speak, as it wooed me... As time went on, its characteristics became more or less normal, feeling nothing out of the ordinary. I wave my hand to anything..."oh yes it's just Japan." And then, I realized recently, as time has continued, Japan has become a dear friend. As I learn its strengths and weaknesses, good and bad points, and experience it for what it really and truly is, it touches a deeper part of my heart. It reveals its true self, showing vulnerability and yet, unveiling the beauty God bestowed on it from its beginnings.

Though I still experience times outside of my comfort zone (which I am thankful for), this place is a comfort to me. I love to share its joys and sorrows, of course, primarily from my personality, and an outsider. I enjoy getting to know it, to learn about it, and understand it. So, I find there isn't another way to describe how I feel now about it other than express the blossoming of my friendship with Japan.

Of course, it likes to tease me as many of my friends do, and David (who leaves me with sore abs and cheek muscles from laughing so hard when we're together). A couple weeks ago, I put out a few items of laundry to hang in the sun for a bit. Since it has been so dry here, I usually hang the laundry inside to up the humidity a bit, but this particular day I thought to hang some outside. Well, as I mentioned previously, Shizuoka is a wind tunnel or something, at least western Shizuoka. Normally, if the wind is blowing and my clothes are out, they just get blown together at one end of my drying pole. But not this day.

I am sitting on my computer, as usual, after I hang the clothes outside. A little while later, I suddenly hear a crash and some other loud noises. I run to the balcony and pop out the door, to find nothing but a pair of underwear laying on the balcony floor. Um, WHERE are my CLOTHES??? I practically hang over the balcony railing in search of my clothing items, figuring they must have fallen into someone's yard. Sure enough, they had. Interestingly enough, not the neighbor directly below me, but the neighbor below and adjacent to me. There were my clothes, strewn about the yard, one shirt caught on a hook outside their back door.

I ran downstairs and rang the neighbor's doorbell. No one home. Blast. I ran back upstairs and wrote a note, detailing all the items I had lost in their yard to tape to their door for when they arrived back home. Thankfully, the note worked and all my clothes were returned. Probably the most important point of this story is that somehow the underwear had slung itself off the hanger and flipped back to the balcony while everything else decided to take a trip to the neighbor's yard. That, I believe, saved quite a bit of embarrassment for me and the man who brought my clothes back. Ah....sumimasen....

Friends also like to do nice things for friends - and because of various health issues I have been dealing with over the past couple years, I am going to try a stringent diet for a couple months or possibly longer (it's not weight related, so don't worry, if anything I could stand to gain a pound or two) to see if I can't fix anything. Well, to my amazement, I have suddenly discovered various websites I can order all kinds of organic and whole foods from, even vegetables. I was smiling and dancing around my apartment by all this good news. And when a box of goodies I ordered from one place came, it was like Christmas opening it. (It really did feel more like Christmas than the actual Christmas, at least the opening presents part.) So, we'll see how this goes.

Speaking of food, I need to go clean up the kitchen and make something to eat. Here's to 6 months.