The Compromise of Fall (and a Blue Toe)

On a calm, sunny Saturday, I'm lounging on one of my recently purchased $20 chairs that resembles more of a seat cushion with back support. Alison Krauss has been crooning in the background as I munch on chocolate covered almonds and pineapple. Finally, I thought, some time to sit and write. Why have I not written in the past two or three weeks? I suppose a lack of motivation, as it seems to have permeated almost all other areas of my life.

I know tonight everyone dressed up back in the States, to go out and beg for candy (or perhaps to get drunk), and I have not missed the pre-Halloween prep that I generally experienced in the past. The closest I got to Halloween this year was allowing my students the chance to decorate pumpkins (drawings) rather than forcing another worksheet upon their already burned out and tired minds. In fact, my 1st year students even had a test today - and it's Saturday. Yes, every once in awhile these children have Saturday school, and not as a form of punishment. I believe I have to work on Saturday in a couple weeks.

As it has been a couple months, I am starting to grow accustomed to the expectations I believe my teachers and school has of me. It has been a bit uncomfortable and awkward, as any new situation ever is, and especially when they are not overt in what they want. Nonetheless, I feel as if I have broken through the initial stages of adjustment to a new job and have found a pretty good rapport with many of my students and teachers. More of the students seem to feel comfortable with me and often greet me or talk to me outside of class, much as I would expect when I was in Seattle. In fact just yesterday as I was leaving to go home, the baseball boys (who were out practicing on the field) all turned and took off their hats to nod their heads and say "masu" which is kind of a shortened version of pretty much any polite phrase, but is only used by males.

Speaking of gender differences - there are various socialized gender roles here, but seem to be more apparent among adults than what I see of my students. They tend to be more subtle, and I think vary depending on context and location, but I often see the women in the teacher's room taking care of things like answering phones and closing and opening windows and such. Then again, I've also seen women do this kind of thing in the States too, but my guess is that they are just raised to take care of such things. To be fair, the men also answer the phone in my teacher's room, I just never see them racing to the phone like the women tend to. I've talked to other ALTs though and they say its quite different in their teachers' rooms.

I was asked to play in a teachers' soccer game (against teachers from another school). I was a bit surprised to find that it was only men playing in this game, aside me... Well, I was pretty useless during the game for most of it, aside being able to run into position faster than anyone else, or jumping after the ball - my shooting skills are subpar. However, a great tragedy occurred as a result of this game, as I will soon be losing a toenail. Yes, in a wild attempt to snag a lose ball and then send it towards the goal, I ended up somehow losing a bit of balance with the momentum and inertia fighting each other and basically the ground bent back my left toe, and felt like the nail with it. Well, I was tempted to stay down, to limp off the field and relax, but the athlete in me ignored the pain, stood up and continued on, despite limping. I didn't look at the toe until I got back home, and yes it was quite blue when I saw it. I went into an utter panic, debating calling an ambulance (oh wait I don't know how to call an ambulance) and then my supervisor, but David convinced me my toe would not need amputation so I decided to take a few ibuprofen and wait till the next day.

After limping to school about 10 minutes earlier than normal (since it takes awhile) and showing the nurse my swollen blue toe, she assured me it was fine and the nail would fall out on its own. I am not sure how assuring that was... but I have been quite emotional the past few days at the parting with this toenail. It made me consider the benefits of having toenails, and what a great source of comfort they can be at times. Then I realized, sometimes you just don't value things until you lose them or see them go. So as I lose a toenail, I realized the other things in my life that I have been conflicted over losing. Much of it a sense of identity from moving to a new culture and then of course, preparing to get married, and other things that are such a part of me, like my toenail, that I feel the need to hold onto. Then I become emotional, cranky, and complain about these things, using the toenail, and sometimes the impending wedding (not MARRIAGE but WEDDING) as scapegoats.

It is thus that I continue to learn how to compromise in this place, compromising much as I mold myself into expectations at work, and compromise in other ways to fit into a lifestyle that works all right for me here. Sometimes I grow tired of compromising and simply shrug it off as I give way to my socialized habits, and then I find its my way of coping as I deal with the compromise. Fall back into natural patterns, they are comfortable, they are easy, they are familiar. How often do we do that? A chance to grow comes along, to learn, to change, and sometimes we offer the excuse of well this is me though, I am the foreigner, so why should I try to fit into this mold... or why should I change in this way that makes me so uncomfortable.

The other weekend a friend and I visited the coast and then seven famous waterfalls. We of course, had many things happen to us as normal. After getting off the train we were supposed to be on and realizing we had 20 minutes to wait till the next one, we exclaimed over a nearby soba shop. As we eagerly slurped our noodles, my friend motioned behind me, and as I turned my head, two rows of people (sitting on benches) were staring at us. Of course, when I turned to look, they immediately whipped their heads around. David said something about the fact that we can use chopsticks can amaze them sometimes.

After reaching our destination to go to the coast, we spent awhile deciphering a bus schedule and map. A lady finally came up and asked us (in English) if we needed help. She then proceeded to find us a map, and essentially walked us down to the trailhead. This was a bit of a walk from the station too... We enjoyed spending some time rock hopping and an impromptu photo shoot at the coast as the sun set, and then as we headed back up the rockface (I wish I could say something adventurous like we climbed it but really it was just a trail type thing cut out of the rock), the same woman who had led us to the trailhead appeared - apparently to make sure we had made it. She then led us to a suspension bridge and offered to take some (blurry) pictures of us.

The next day we visited Nanadaru, or Seven Waterfalls, and of course missed the bus stop after a brief debate over whether the next stop was ours. So, we got off at the following stop, and my logic thought it wiser to keep heading forward rather than back, as it was uphill and figured forward would help us figure things out easier. Well we ended up walking on the shoulder of a highway, and then down this famous spiral bridge, laughing the entire time at how dangerous it was, and me commenting on feeling like a hitchhiker (with my backpack and everything). So we eventually reached the end of the waterfall trail according to my friend, and checked out an awesome onsen that is right at the base of one of the waterfalls. (It was an outdoor, co-ed one you wear swimsuits). They had some caves too, but some strange guy was singing so it sounded like chanting and creeped us out. But it was pretty relaxing to sit in an onsen at the base of a waterfall. Amazing more like it.

I wasn't feeling like hiking to the other waterfalls after that, but it ended up being like a walk in the park and maybe 20 minutes or something. (The pictures of all this by the way are in my web albums). To complete the fun weekend of constant fun and embarrassments, Mt. Fuji was visible for the first time that weekend, so i got to stare at it out of the train before it got dark, and it was really nice.

David came to visit last weekend, and I attempted making an apple pie. Of course, finding the ingredients in Japanese can be a bit of a problem, since they aren't all in characters I understand. Had a bit of an issue finding unsalted versus salted butter. I got so frustrated before I realized I could just look at the sodium content. (I would tell David, just try the Epson paper.) We baked it in my toaster oven, and it turned out all right, though certainly not the best pie I've ever made. I realized after talking to another teacher that the flour I used was definitely not a good kind for pie - I assumed you could because of the cookies on the front. Ok then - have to find different flour for our pumpkin pie attempt next month.

The sun is now setting, and the air smells crisply fall as I have gone to sweaters now. Think its time to get some curry cooking.

Can't say Noh to Thrift Stores, but Can to Brazilian Stalkers

Time now. 9:55 p.m. The 2nd day of my 3 day weekend. Yesterday was spent wandering the streets of Iwata, or rather, the random stores - depaato (department store), thrift store, and dinner at Kappa Zushi (a revolving conveyor belt sushi restaurant). Surprisingly, my fellow Fukuroi ALT pointed out that the thrift store had kimonos. Thus, at least half an hour was spent trying on various colors and attempting to wrap it around myself in a realistic manner, then turning this way and that in the mirror and asking countless times... "what about this? Is this a good color?" Eventually, some women, perhaps a store employee or maybe just random shoppers, came near to where we were trying on kimonos and sat down, "folding" obis (the bands that you wrap around the kimonos). It felt like spying. Perhaps they were ensuring the crazy loud foreigners would not leave their precious used, smelly and slightly stained kimonos in a disarray. Or maybe they thought we would try to smuggle something out - because really, it isn't like we wouldn't be noticed.

After this time of trying on countless gorgeous kimonos, and me deciding I wanted to buy at least four, I settled on a brilliant blue one, with a wavy pattern integrated into the outer fabric, along with a shiny gold-patterned obi to wear with it. Yes, no wedding dress for me, and some might think it odd that I would simply settle on this ensemble found in a thrift store (for only $140) and without looking around more... but, I am a simple girl. I prefer simplicity and I had an idea in my mind of what I wanted to begin with, something soft, simple, and that would make me feel elegant and pretty. Yes, a rather girlish notion, but it was the image in my head. Now, I don't have to worry anymore about trying to find something here in Japan - no more stressing about going to other cities and trying to figure out where I will find something I like. Now.... bridesmaid's outfits.... sigh.

So, it has been a little over two months now since my arrival in Japan. I feel as if I am coming to terms with various things these days. One thing that gets me sometimes, is the fact that it takes three times as much energy to do one thing that would be simple for me to do by myself in the U.S. Such as, doing a transfer on the ATM. Of course, these challenges hardly phase me, although they do frustrate me at times with how much time it takes and my lack of understanding, and because of my resourcefulness I feel that I am able to figure things out quite quickly and then feel a great sense of accomplishment when I have figured it out. I have a feeling that not all people do this, try to figure things out, perhaps they don't care or just give up or have someone else do it for them, but, being independent, I am forcing myself to figure out how things work in Japanese so I don't need to ask for help. Although, the interesting thing is, when I do ask for help, 9 times out of 10, people usually have no idea how to help me, so really, I find asking people for the most part is useless anyway.

This has made me think of independence versus interdependence more lately - Japan being traditionally an Eastern culture and thus more interdependent. The United States obviously Western and as independent as a two year old. Two incredibly different ideologies that permeate how children are raised and how life is carried out every day. Neither is better than the other really, from a sociological point of view, as each has advantages and disadvantages. As for parenting, the ideal philosophy would be a mix of the two, allowing children certain amounts of independence at appropriate stages of life, and also ensuring a healthy sense of dependence on parents and family and society as a whole. However, I have noticed that the influences of Western culture are far more evident on youth here and even young adults like myself. Nothing quite like Western countries yet, but... I see many budding similarities. And getting to my point, thinking about marriage also has pushed me to analyze these ideas of independence and interdependence. I am an incredibly independent person, and while it is a big part of my personality (nature), nurture also shaped me to be even more independent and not to depend on anyone, for ANYTHING. So, needless to say, being in a foreign country and attempting to learn and figure things out, it is far outside my comfort zone to ask for help from anyone, even though its something I need to learn. I think interdependence is a healthy thing to learn and use in accompaniment of independence. Imagine how that might change the various social climates in the U.S....

Back to Japan. I was riding my bike to the grocery store last week, when suddenly a creepy white van pulls off the road and a young Brazilian man yells out the window to me "Sumimasen! Sumimasen!" (excuse me). Of course, not one to talk to strangers generally, and with a media induced fear of men in creepy white vans, I sped away on my bike. Not long after the same man pulls up aside my bike (I am riding on the sidewalk, he is on the road). Again he calls "Sumimasen!" and some other garble in Japanese that I couldn't understand. I was getting a bit more freaked out at this point and hurried to my destination, the grocery store. He had to stop at a red light, but then as I was rushing into the store, again, pulls up near me and yells "Excuse me, sorry, sorry, but do you speak English?" Of course, how do I respond to that? I hesitantly offer a yes, and he proceeds to ask about a nearby DVD store. I shrug and say there is no DVD store around here, and say its across the train tracks back the way he came. He is confused, and then starts to inquire about my job, age, why I came to Japan, where I'm from, etc. I had fun offering stretched-truth answers, as I tried to demise an escape plan. Finally, he asks for my phone number, oh such boldness. I of course, replied I don't give out my phone number. So he asked if he could give me his. Anything to get rid of him I rationalized... and so he wrote it down, said, "hope to see you soon darling!" and drove off. Usually, my friends are the ones to get hit on, but I guess current circumstance render me as the default in this case.

I also had the privilege of attending a traditional Noh play this past week. It involved two days of "explanation" for those of us who don't understand Noh plays (which is most Japanese as well) so we could understand what was going on. Oh, and the explanation was IN Japanese of course. So, my two and a half hours on each separate day involved sitting, attempting to catch beginning or ending words, and then zoning out and praying for the whole thing to end so I could go home. Wow, what cultural enthusiasm. The wonderfully nice teacher who invited me to this of course, explained things to me in English later so I could understand some of it. She also joked the second day that I must have understood more than the first day. I really couldn't say which day allowed more absorption...

Finally, the third day was the actual play. I had been warned about this by various people - that the common joke about Noh is not to fall asleep. Well, I was pretty excited to dress up for once, and felt all important doing something so cultural. I will say that Noh plays are traditionally only performed by men, and the main character or characters usually wear a mask that actually changes the expression based on lighting (which I think interested me the most about the whole thing). Then, no speaking, but sounds that resemble chanting/droning/groaning/agonizing. I could see, as I sat mostly listening to this play (since there was a tall person in front of me), how people fall asleep. I again zoned out numerous times and avidly awaited the ending so I could go home and sleep. Not to sure I want to go to a Noh again, but at least I can say I did it.

As I finish this off, I should mention the various mosquito carcasses littered across my walls. I really don't know how they get in, but I often wake up in the morning with 10 - 20 mosquito bites, so, I have been stalking them lately. Other than them, all is quiet on the bug front. Perhaps many of them are going into hibernation for the winter, aside the spiders. Although I seem to find more centipedes these days....

Oh and random note, they don't sell Hydrogen Peroxide in Japan (H2O2). Apparently only chemists can use this, whereas in the U.S. you can buy a huge bottle for a $1. The pharmacist was confused that I would use it for anything other than cleaning injuries. I kept repeating "kuuuriiinnnn" (clean) but he was confused. The lady translating for me said kurin as well, and of course he understood her. Sometimes this happens, where I will say something, and a native Japanese will say the exact sane thing and then whoever we are speaking to suddenly understands for them. I really don't know what to say about that. My next mission - getting a haircut.

Oh, Japan...

Time continues to fly here in Japan, and unsure where to start. I last left you with a briefing on my trip to Kyoto, and really the past weekends were rather uneventful for the most part. I went to an izakaya with some of my fellow teachers, which is basically an all you can drink and all you can eat (essentially) party. Of course not everyone drinks since half of them drive and I don't drink but it was rather tame compared to the stories I had heard from others. I actually have befriended one of my coworkers, a science teacher, who is 25 so close in age to me. We surprisingly have some important things in common, and her English is pretty good, so we chat sometimes at work. I also met another teacher who is 23 as I am, and so really I am thankful to have others around my age to talk to, even with the language barrier, its still quite comforting.

School has been moving along at a normal pace; however, midterms are coming up for the students so I spent the past week preparing test questions for my classes. The students are hilarious, although you can't really tell in class most of the time since they are always so sleepy. They often talk to me outside of class, and I have had some fun conversations with quite a few of them. Two girls in the English Club I help with, spent the entire club time teaching me Japanese slang, which I suppose defeats the purpose of English club... but I don't really think so since they spend much of the time attempting to talk to me in English, and I teach them new words and how to explain things in English.

A fun event my school just had that I believe most, if not all, Japanese high schools have is the Sports Festival. The students are divided into color teams, one homeroom from each grade level (1st year, 2nd year, 3rd year). They then compete in various events over the course of the day (and believe me, it is a LONG day - it reminded me of a track meet). The teachers also competed in the 800 meter relay, well, the young teachers and the principal. I got the fun job of running 100 meters, (one other teacher did 100, the rest did 50 meters). Now, it has been some time since I have been in any kind of running shape, let alone sprinting shape. I have been running the past week and a half to try to get into some kind of shape, but today I am so sore it really hurts to do anything and everything. The students were all so excited to see me though, as they started the race (we ran with the girls, and they all beat us). I was standing on the opposite side of the track, in my lane, waiting just like old times for a baton pass - and all the students were exclaiming in surprise "ASHURII?????" since I was running. One girl asked if I was nervous, and the funny thing was, I actually did feel a bit nervous (a conditioned response to races I reasoned). The two girls from English club yelled from the sidelines and did a slang term and hand motion they taught me, so I responded in kind. Another girl got really excited and was saying "FIGHTO FIGHTO!!!!" (Translation: fight, fight). I think in my entire running career never have I felt like such a celebrity.

Now, the events the students do are pretty crazy. I will have pictures posted in my web albums, but along with normal running relays they had a strange relay where at every interval, the students have to spin around a bat (their head on the bat) until they are dizzy and then do whatever activity they were at. First, potato sack, then tire roll, then, stick their face in a bowl of flour and dig something out with their mouth, then crawl under a fish net, push a wheelbarrow full of athletic balls, and finally, the last student has to become dizzy and jump up and grab a piece of food hanging from a long stick with their MOUTH. Oh my, I had a good laugh watching as students surged from spinning and then start weaving all over the track and falling and tripping over each other.

Another event required students to throw these sock/beanbag type things into baskets suspended into the air, yes akin to basketball - but it reminded me of popcorn popping watching all these white things flying in the air, up and down. Something I found incredibly interesting, was an event where they take a bunch of tires and pile them up in the middle of the field. Then, 3 or 4 teams of girls race to the middle and try to get as many tires to their corner as possible before time is up. Of course, they all are going crazy and watching them fight over the tires, where you've got 5 girls from two different teams both pulling on a tire and trying to drag it to THEIR side.

Jump rope. A LONG rope. The entire class jumps with two guys swinging the rope. I actually had a chance to do this at our prefectural orientation a couple months ago... and it is very hard, and we only had 10 people jumping... the students' classes are about 40 kids each. So the point is to see how many times they can jump without stopping. Oh and, not to forget tug-of-war either, where a decent chunk of the class all gets on one side of the rope and pull against another class and tries to get the front person to step over the line.

There are probably some events that have slipped my mind... but the principal and some teachers came up and asked me if they did things like this in America. I laughed, and said not in high school. At least, I've never seen some of these events done anywhere at all, but who knows, those people in Kansas or some mid-western state might have nothing better to do. (And if you are from Kansas or some mid-western state you can correct me if I'm wrong on this).

I had the chance to go to an art and craft fair in Hamamatsu last weekend. There were so many amazing crafts I was completely in awe just walking around and looking. I came up with all these ideas for when I do actually have a house someday... but I especially loved the wood dishes, as they were so beautiful and simple. There were also very beautiful ceramic dishes and I am just sorry I did not take any pictures. Of course, since we aren't sure where we'll be living or for how long for the next year or two, I have to hold out on buying much of that kind of thing. I did however, get some nice wooden chopsticks (no not like they kind they give you at Asian restaurants) and some chopstick holders that look like kitties. (I couldn't resist!)

Today was my adventure to a dentist in Nagoya, since I need to have a crown replaced. I'm still a bit nervous about all that but more or less I was excited today that I was able to get there just fine. I have never used the subway here before and had to use it, but all went well, no hang-ups, and I was quite proud of myself. I then had to wander for awhile trying to find the office, and was actually feeling rather relieved that I didn't find it, and considered going to cut my hair instead. Well... then I basically ran into the office, just there in front of my face, and I told David (since I was IM'ing him on my cool phone) "Crap, I actually found it." Then, the dentist runs out to greet me, so, there wasn't time to reconsider or turn and run away. They also had really cool water things on the chair where you take the cup and rinse and spit while the water is running (automatically turns on when you pick up the cup) and then when you set the cup back down it fills up again. I was astounded, and had to rinse a few times just to entertain myself.

To add to my excitement, I was able to purchase Shinkansen tickets without writing the information down today. Yes, that means I was able to communicate in Japanese without stuttering through things or forgetting things or awkward pauses and filled-silence-gestures... I honestly feel that being here really is just improving my Japanese without even trying... and since I spend most of my time around Japanese people, I think it really sinks in, especially listening and understanding, since that is what I struggle with the most.

In conclusion, the bugs have decided to wave the white flag for now. Although there are these giant moths outside that look like freakishly large leaves, but they seem to just stick to the wall and never move. I'll try to take a picture one of these days so you can see what these beastly things look like. I have the slightest feeling though these bugs are all plotting an invasion, and it could happen at any moment... so, I must keep quiet about this for now, and if you have a good defense plan, please be sure and e-mail me.

The good, the bad, the amusing, the interesting - what else can I say? Oh, Japan....