Bittersweet Goodbyes...

I suppose this blog title will work quite well one last time - I should get around to changing it sooner or later.

Goodbye? What? Yes, saturday was my last day at Fukuroi High School. When in months past I have been hoping and praying for this day to come, as it signified being able to finally live with my husband, the past few weeks have hit me like rainstorm (how fitting in the rainy season) sleeting down and taking over.

Of course, this is not to say I am very excited to have David finally here, and start our new life in Shimada... and also excited to meet all the wonderful students at our new schools - it is just saying goodbye that can be difficult sometimes.

After practicing my speech in Japanese for a few days, and feeling incredibly nervous about it, the term-ending/farewell ceremony was held Saturday morning. The principal said a few words (about me getting married, etc) and then I walked up to the mike, praying my crazy butterflies to go away, my heart to stop racing. All in all, I managed the speech just fine, no tears shed since I didn't understand half of what I was saying, and then a student presented me with pink flowers as everyone clapped, and the students all returning my wide grin (of affection).

The rest of the morning I spent walking around and saying goodbye to all the students, to which I received cheers when I walked in their classrooms and various questions like "Is David Japanese?", "When will you have baby?" and many "I love you!", "Congratulations!", "We won't forget you!" and of course, girls wanting pictures with me. Every time I said goodbye during that last bit of time just kept cutting deeper and deeper, bringing me to the reality that I was actually leaving these students... Of course Shimada isn't far and I can come back and visit, I think there was just a lot influencing my feelings about all this.

I haven't received a lot of recognition this year, which I've heard isn't uncommon. Not that I do things for recognition, but to realize now, that I actually did my job well, when the whole time I was questioning most of what I was doing, wondering if it was good enough or not, hoping my students were learning and understanding, etc. I got all the confirmation I needed in the past week, with teachers telling me they enjoyed our classes together the most (team-teaching English classes) and that they will miss me and wish I didn't have to go. I was pretty aghast at this, so many people teach better than me I think, but I do try to make things interesting and enjoyable as much as possible...

And then, recognition from the students, realizing that my presence was important to them, even if some relationships were quite superficial. It reminded me of my relationships with youth and children back in the U.S., and how so often they work and blossom without deep conversations all the time, kids just like presence and knowing someone is there and loves them, has boundaries for them, makes them feel safe. So in that, even though my Japanese is still at a basic level (but has definitely improved a lot since being here) my relationships with the students still were able to grow and become something meaningful. I feel incredibly blessed in that.

One girl in particular, who's english is quite good (conversational), immediately connected to me in the beginning and our relationship has really been a bright spot in my life over the year. These things all remind me of the things I was made to do and what I'm good at, what just happens whether I'm aware of it or not.

So as I walked away from school mid-afternoon, being stopped by students on the way out, more "I love you"s and "I'm so sad"s, tears started escaping my eyes and I found my voice cracking finally, knowing full well I was about to burst open. Finally, as I was about to leave the driveway, the entire boy's soccer team turned from the field across the way, raised their hands in the air and started waving and calling "Ashurii! Ashurii!" and yelling "I love you!" (I seem to get "I love you" more from boys than girls, girls tend to say I'm cute...). So I gave a big wave one last time, as I let the tears fall, and eventually pulled myself away and walked home.

I'm gonna miss these kids...

Now, time to pack and clean, take care of last minute details, visit my new school on Wednesday, and wait for my husband to finally get here Friday, so we can move this weekend. Yes, time for a new chapter to start.