Alas, my days continue to be spent wrapped up in fleece in front of a space heater at home. Setting out on any kind of adventure typically requires movement, and as such, leaves me in a state of delirium and overwhelming feelings of possibly losing whatever food I managed to eat before said adventure. Oh, motion sickness, I have not known you my entire life! You have plagued others mercilessly, and I laughed in your face. You could never take me with you motion sickness! Never!
Oh, but now, motion sickness is my close friend. I hope you are all spared from this feeling if you have yet to experience it, as it is completely miserable. We have a ten-hour flight coming up this week, so I am desperately praying I will be saved from this dark plague, if only for ten hours...
The medical mystery continues! An MRI has been scheduled Monday afternoon, and an appointment set with my American doctor in Seattle. I should note, that in order to schedule the MRI, I had to wait an hour and a half at the hospital on Friday, just to SEE the neurologist. Then, the neurologist asked two questions, and then, "when should we schedule the MRI?"
I replied, "we can't just do it today?" Thinking, I thought that is what I came here for. Couldn't we have done this over the phone?
So far, as my illness continues to puzzle everyone, doctors, in effort to save face or some such very Japanese way of thinking, they go out with their last resort diagnosis: stress, mental problems, stress, see a psychiatrist. You see, in Japan, people are expected to take the doctor's word as the final word. They are definitely not encouraged to question anything the doctor says, while in the States, questions are *usually encouraged (with exception of crazy hypochondriacs that look everything up on the internet... uh... I don't know who does that! Certainly not I!). So, if you so much as question them, or in my case, say you are going to stop taking their drugs because they aren't working, they fume and refuse to help you out with say... filling out a leave of absence form for your boss. Doctors are like gods. Listen to them! Respect them! Never question them. They know everything, after all. (Note: I don't mean anything against doctors, I have had good ones, but simply my rant on the majority of Japanese doctors I've seen here).
Anyway, so as I try to cope with this strange illness that takes me on twists and turns, faster and more ferocious than river rafting (and just as nauseating, for extreme kinds), I try to go to the store to test how well I am doing. Can I move? Can I stand? Can I last through the entire experience and make it home feeling the same as before I had left?
I went to a nearby grocery store yesterday. David was gone, throwing kids around somewhere, and so I decided I felt well enough to bike to the store, grab a few things and go home to start my cookie baking extravaganza (homemade gifts for people here). The bumpy ride proved too much, as I arrived at the store a bit green and lightheaded. I wandered around the store, throwing things in my basket, straining my eyes as I tried to keep my head stationary (to not perpetuate the motion sickness). After finding the things we needed, and feeling I was going to lose it, I shuffled to the cashiers, and went to what I thought seemed the shortest line. A man that had been in front of me was going to take my spot in that line, as I was still shuffling there, but he seemed to find that a bad decision and went into another line. I thought, YES! I have won! I get the spot! In only moments, I would realize how wrong I was.
There were only two women in front of me, and the cashier was helping the first woman already. As I waited, I started to feel light-headed and hot. Uh-oh... hot flash coming, as I started to panic. It was then I noticed that the prim woman in front of me had double-bagged all of the items in her basket. Not only the produce, which is typical to put in those plastic bags, but every single item, including things like butter or cheese (which are already wrapped or in some kind of container!). I was shocked. This woman was the epitome of the environment's Antichrist. She obsessively double-checked all her items, and then twisted a plastic bag full of plastic bags into a knot, patting it three times and situating it delicately in her giant plastic pile. My heart felt as if it had been stabbed - all that work to be environmentally conscious and utilize the three R's, felt as if it was being canceled out by this woman and her plastic-mongering.
As the moments wore on, I felt weaker, hotter, and more lightheaded. The cashier finished with the first woman and moved on to plastic-hoarding woman. To aggravate me even more, she handed her items to the cashier ONE by ONE. Usually the cashier handles things themselves, as in the States. But NO, this woman would pick through her basket, hand the cashier the items in some order she needed them to be, saying "Thanks" with each one. To let out my frustration, and my anxiety over the fact I might pass out any minute and wasn't sure what to do about that since people were pushing up against me from behind, I sighed loudly, "Oh my GOSH." No one noticed. They usually don't, since they don't understand.
Finally the woman finished and took ten minutes to count out her exact change. At that point, I couldn't even move my head as it aggravated the lightheadedness even more. Thus, I couldn't look at the cashier when she told me the amount and when I handed her the change. I probably looked like I had a broken neck or something. Then, out of the corner of my eye, plastic woman proceeded to bag her plastic piles in what else, more plastic. At this point I hurried to the bathroom though, before I blacked out.
Suffice to say, I made it home, though felt miserable most of the rest of the day. Today is cookie-baking day so I must tend to that now. Oh, and packing.
Has been a pleasure, and please remember the moral of the story: reduce, reuse, recycle! Resist the urge to double bag every item you purchase in plastic. You too, can prevent global warming! Oh wait, that is the forest fire slogan isn't it. Well, you get the idea.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
Oh Random Japan...
I thought I would take a few moments to share some random pictures I've taken since being here but haven't posted. (Note: all pictures taken on my iPhone)
This is a typical vending machine you might see around Japan. Drinks are common, but so are cigarettes, ice cream, and hot food like this. I tried some fries from it. They were terrible.
This is a box that travels around the hospital on a track on the ceiling. Much like trains, Thomas the tank engine, etc. It generally carries important documents I think, such as patient records. It's beyond me why they aren't afraid someone could just jump up and grab the thing. Or shoot it with a laser gun. Or swipe it with a samurai sword. (I watched G.I. Joe last night, ok).
A sign on an ice machine or something at a grocery store. I took it to mean, "no pigs shall stand on cows" but David ruined that idea by telling me what it really means. Essentially, these people just have issues laying out pictures in a word processor.
This is the first rickshaw I've seen in Japan. The guy is posing for a picture, he's not really just slacking off.
There were three pathetic looking dogs in that little buggy. I especially like the expression on the old guy's face.
We can't get a real cat yet. So we have various non-real kitties around the apartment. These ones are obsessed with the birds in the picture.
This is a typical vending machine you might see around Japan. Drinks are common, but so are cigarettes, ice cream, and hot food like this. I tried some fries from it. They were terrible.
This is a box that travels around the hospital on a track on the ceiling. Much like trains, Thomas the tank engine, etc. It generally carries important documents I think, such as patient records. It's beyond me why they aren't afraid someone could just jump up and grab the thing. Or shoot it with a laser gun. Or swipe it with a samurai sword. (I watched G.I. Joe last night, ok).
This is the first rickshaw I've seen in Japan. The guy is posing for a picture, he's not really just slacking off. 
We can't get a real cat yet. So we have various non-real kitties around the apartment. These ones are obsessed with the birds in the picture.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
The Blue Toe Strikes Back
Here I am again, sitting around at home with my heater and new MacBook Pro... mindlessly surfing the internet, reading the news, reading food blogs, convincing myself to actually write something...
I just started a writing workshop - mostly in hopes to motivate myself to sit and write consistently again, and also hone my skills. It has been over a year since I finished school, and I can tell my writing skills have slowly transcended into sub-par. Not that they were brilliant before or anything - it is more like, I write like I talk to the majority of people in Japan, (well in English anyway) slowly, simply, never actually using complete sentences. Do we really use complete sentences when we speak anyway? I'm starting to think we don't much of the time... Especially since when I try to use complete sentences in Japanese, I always get cut off and can never actually practice making sentences in Japanese that I so desperately need to practice. Alas.
After many miserable efforts trying to find a helpful doctor, I finally saw a man who speaks English. He, of course, wanted to test for anemia and all the other things that I have been tested for numerous times, but I pressed him to check my nose. He agreed, pulled out a strange-looking instrument and slid it up one nostril, tilting my head back. Then:
"This side is very inflamed..." He pulls out of that nostril and into the next.
"This side has more inflammation."
I suddenly have a feeling of relief. Finally, someone sees that my sinuses are having issues. I ask him if this is part of the problem. He seems to nod, perhaps slightly disgruntled that I beat him to this point. He proceeds to prescribe me an anti-inflammatory plus allergy medication. He says he is worried that I have an infection since I had a fever of, 98.7. (I biked to the doctor's office in a down jacket. I told the nurses and him that, but they didn't believe that would indeed raise my temperature to what is considered an average body temperature). I asked for non-drowsy drugs; he replied that the drowsy kind is better.
"Do you feel drowsy with that medication?" he asked.
"I don't do well on drowsy drugs. In fact, I seem to have more issues."
He smiled slightly, probably thinking I am a crazy hypochondriac, and said that was all for today, come back in four days.
I reluctantly filled my prescription and headed home. That evening, after taking my meds and getting ready for bed, I started laughing hysterically and found myself too weak to stand on my own. (It's also possible that I was yammering silly, unconnected thoughts, but that is only rumor at this point.)
As a result, my head did start feeling better after the weekend. However, due to being drugged and having a slight issue focusing on what I'm doing, I had a bicycle accident Saturday. David and I were just riding down the street to a local yakiniku restaurant, and there I ran into a curb, ended up with 3 giant bruises and bruised the very same toe I seriously injured last year. Then, as I hobbled around the next day, I worsened the sciatica I seemed to have obtained recently. So though my head has been getting better, I have been left unable to walk. As they say, when it rains, it pours. Although in my case I feel it is more of a typhoon.
So here I am, at home, for over three weeks now, bored. I am getting excited for Christmas though, I can't wait to take a vacation!
Anything else? No, I don't believe so, not unless you want to hear all about the news in the world, what is hot in the food blogging world, or about the latest television show mishaps. It sounds pathetic, and believe me, dear reader, it is.
I just started a writing workshop - mostly in hopes to motivate myself to sit and write consistently again, and also hone my skills. It has been over a year since I finished school, and I can tell my writing skills have slowly transcended into sub-par. Not that they were brilliant before or anything - it is more like, I write like I talk to the majority of people in Japan, (well in English anyway) slowly, simply, never actually using complete sentences. Do we really use complete sentences when we speak anyway? I'm starting to think we don't much of the time... Especially since when I try to use complete sentences in Japanese, I always get cut off and can never actually practice making sentences in Japanese that I so desperately need to practice. Alas.
After many miserable efforts trying to find a helpful doctor, I finally saw a man who speaks English. He, of course, wanted to test for anemia and all the other things that I have been tested for numerous times, but I pressed him to check my nose. He agreed, pulled out a strange-looking instrument and slid it up one nostril, tilting my head back. Then:
"This side is very inflamed..." He pulls out of that nostril and into the next.
"This side has more inflammation."
I suddenly have a feeling of relief. Finally, someone sees that my sinuses are having issues. I ask him if this is part of the problem. He seems to nod, perhaps slightly disgruntled that I beat him to this point. He proceeds to prescribe me an anti-inflammatory plus allergy medication. He says he is worried that I have an infection since I had a fever of, 98.7. (I biked to the doctor's office in a down jacket. I told the nurses and him that, but they didn't believe that would indeed raise my temperature to what is considered an average body temperature). I asked for non-drowsy drugs; he replied that the drowsy kind is better.
"Do you feel drowsy with that medication?" he asked.
"I don't do well on drowsy drugs. In fact, I seem to have more issues."
He smiled slightly, probably thinking I am a crazy hypochondriac, and said that was all for today, come back in four days.
I reluctantly filled my prescription and headed home. That evening, after taking my meds and getting ready for bed, I started laughing hysterically and found myself too weak to stand on my own. (It's also possible that I was yammering silly, unconnected thoughts, but that is only rumor at this point.)
As a result, my head did start feeling better after the weekend. However, due to being drugged and having a slight issue focusing on what I'm doing, I had a bicycle accident Saturday. David and I were just riding down the street to a local yakiniku restaurant, and there I ran into a curb, ended up with 3 giant bruises and bruised the very same toe I seriously injured last year. Then, as I hobbled around the next day, I worsened the sciatica I seemed to have obtained recently. So though my head has been getting better, I have been left unable to walk. As they say, when it rains, it pours. Although in my case I feel it is more of a typhoon.
So here I am, at home, for over three weeks now, bored. I am getting excited for Christmas though, I can't wait to take a vacation!
Anything else? No, I don't believe so, not unless you want to hear all about the news in the world, what is hot in the food blogging world, or about the latest television show mishaps. It sounds pathetic, and believe me, dear reader, it is.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
My Own Medical (Drama) Show
Apparently, social networking sites like Twitter or even public blogs seem to instigate make-the-customer-happy compensation. Such was the case for this couple. So, perhaps I may also dare to use this posting as an extortion to...well, read on. Oh, never fear reader, this should hopefully be amusing to you, in any case.
Let's start with the medical industry inJapan this country I live in that shall remain nameless. A few weeks ago, you remember, I was rather sick. Before that, I actually had an incident where I nearly passed out at school. They carried me to the nurse's room in a gurney... and the vice-principal kept patting my face and asking (in Japanese) if I could see her, and if I was ok. Of course I'm not ok... I'm laying on the floor in the staff room. What other time would I choose to lay on the floor in any place but my home? I digress.
Since this episode and my sickness, whatever it was... I have been hardly able to return to work. Standing is a chore, walking is like a cross country race, even moving my head around seems to emulate a feeling akin to those amusement park rides that spin you around and wave you up and down... like a cat playing with a mouse or other small rodent of choice. So, David took me to the hospital this week, and after a million tests, pertaining to my heart, all was deemed normal and they suggested that perhaps I am under stress. I was actually feeling fantastic before all this began, better than all of last year, so I wasn't sure how to respond to that.Stress?! Do you want to see stress, buddy?!?! I'll show you what this stressed-out woman looks like!!! I merely avoided eye-contact, looking at David as I started to cry, since once again, an unsolvable problem by doctors. Surprise, surprise. I should at least be thankful they were able to figure out that my UTI was indeed a UTI a few months ago. Kudos, bladder doctor guy, you have solved infinitely more than any other medical professional I have seen since coming here.
The cardiologist recommended seeing an ear/nose doctor. We went the next day, despite me swaying back and forth when I walked and not being able to keep my head straight most of the time. The man looked in my ears, gave me a hearing test, then had me lay on the patient bed and held these ridiculous-looking goggles up to my eyes and him and the nurse moved my body around while examining my eyes. Of course, this didn't really make me lightheaded any more than I was... and the doctor decided I must be fine since nothing happened. However, they weren't really moving me very fast and they were both supporting me so it wasn't exactly what I would be doing on my own. Plus, they didn't really look at my eyes after they made me put my head upside down over the edge of the bed. He started talking to David (in Japanese) and I suddenly hear "psychiatry." I turn, make eye contact with David, (I had been staring off into space only a moment ago due to my lightheadedness) and glared. David, of course, knew I had understood this small bit, the bit that I would have been better off not understanding, as this doctor apparently thought I was a nut-case. He asked me if I was stressed, to which I said no... all the while thinking about the fact of these doctors asking if I'm stressed, makes me stressed. It must be a common diagnosis. Oh, you are coughing up blood today? You must be stressed.
That's the end of that saga for now. Will I make it to work Monday? Will I collapse on the train and cause train delays prefecture-wide? To be continued.
Let's start with the medical industry in
Since this episode and my sickness, whatever it was... I have been hardly able to return to work. Standing is a chore, walking is like a cross country race, even moving my head around seems to emulate a feeling akin to those amusement park rides that spin you around and wave you up and down... like a cat playing with a mouse or other small rodent of choice. So, David took me to the hospital this week, and after a million tests, pertaining to my heart, all was deemed normal and they suggested that perhaps I am under stress. I was actually feeling fantastic before all this began, better than all of last year, so I wasn't sure how to respond to that.
The cardiologist recommended seeing an ear/nose doctor. We went the next day, despite me swaying back and forth when I walked and not being able to keep my head straight most of the time. The man looked in my ears, gave me a hearing test, then had me lay on the patient bed and held these ridiculous-looking goggles up to my eyes and him and the nurse moved my body around while examining my eyes. Of course, this didn't really make me lightheaded any more than I was... and the doctor decided I must be fine since nothing happened. However, they weren't really moving me very fast and they were both supporting me so it wasn't exactly what I would be doing on my own. Plus, they didn't really look at my eyes after they made me put my head upside down over the edge of the bed. He started talking to David (in Japanese) and I suddenly hear "psychiatry." I turn, make eye contact with David, (I had been staring off into space only a moment ago due to my lightheadedness) and glared. David, of course, knew I had understood this small bit, the bit that I would have been better off not understanding, as this doctor apparently thought I was a nut-case. He asked me if I was stressed, to which I said no... all the while thinking about the fact of these doctors asking if I'm stressed, makes me stressed. It must be a common diagnosis. Oh, you are coughing up blood today? You must be stressed.
That's the end of that saga for now. Will I make it to work Monday? Will I collapse on the train and cause train delays prefecture-wide? To be continued.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Sick in Sunshine
Ah, sitting here in the living room in my camping chair with a cup of hot green tea... enjoying the beautiful sunshine and warmth, with a box of tissues at the ready. Yes...I am sick, but so far haven't been swined yet. Probably just a cold, but then again, who knows when it comes to me and my illnesses...
It has been such a long time since I last blogged about the recent happenings, and I realized that I needed an entirely new focus. No more "goodbye" in the title most certainly, and I needed to find a way to rediscover my own writing. Not only that, but to be more transparent about the goings-on in my life... not that I haven't been transparent, in fact you all have read about the various embarrassing and crazy experiences I have had the past year and few months. This brings me to the tentative title for now, "Untethered." This word kept coming back to mind, so I figured, why not. Should I feel held back with my words? To some extent I suppose, don't need to let everything just flap out and around openly like underwear on a clothesline... but just to find some new step in my written thoughts.
So, on to other things!
I have had many things to write about in the past couple months but just haven't brought myself to write about them yet. Most recently, David and I went on a fun weekend trip to the Izu peninsula of Shizuoka, where we did archery in the crater of a volcano for an hour. Spent some time walking around the perimeter of the crater, taking pictures, admiring the view, dodging between the many Japanese visitors... After that we headed to our hotel in a city called Kawazu, akin to a small beach/hills town. After walking to our hotel, I became a bit wary by the warehouse look of it from the outside; however, once we went closer, there were lots of beautiful shrubbery and plants and inside was very quaint, and more western than Japanese. Of course, being a small town, it shuts down early and we didn't really find much in the way of dinner, but enjoyed the onsen at the hotel.
The next morning, we caught a bus and went to Nanadaru (Seven Waterfalls) that I went to last fall with a friend of mine. We enjoyed the short hike (except for all the stairs) and the outdoor, co-ed (bathing suits required) onsen. It was such a beautiful, warm, sunny day and we enjoyed it. All in all, it was a fun, relaxing trip, and we spent the holiday Monday relaxing at home before school started again.
Work is going well for the most part. It's nice to have some idea of what I'm doing as opposed to last year. I don't feel like I'm constantly floundering around and wondering what's going on (although that still happens on a regular basis). We had a meeting for an upcoming seminar among ALTs (Assistant Language Teachers) and someone asked what we do when the teachers suddenly all disappear from the room and we are left alone. Of course, some us laughed and mumbled we just sit there and pretend we have no idea so we don't have to do anything. I made a comment about learning to read the board and notes they write, as well as the calendar, so I know what is going on, in case it is something important. I was a bit shocked to find that most people (aside those that can read and know Japanese well) don't really try to read things. Or the fact that I seem to be one of the few ALTs in the prefecture who knows you can request redelivery of packages online... (saves the calling and dealing with the whole Japanese thing plus formalities which take forever to figure out and understand). I told David about these things, and he suggested that most people don't try to figure things out as much as I do. "But why???" I asked, finding this idea completely ridiculous. David shrugs, "they don't mind asking for help, they don't care, or it isn't that important to them."
This got me thinking about how I have been since arriving in Japan. I have learned to read things rather quickly, so I don't have to ask people for help all the time or rely on others as much. Granted, I still have to, more often than I'd like, but the fact that I have been forced to rely on others has in turn forced me to learn to read kanji very quickly. Or learn the Japanese I need to communicate in daily events. Such as getting a haircut. I'm still learning that one, since I know simple things like "I want a haircut" and how to say length, bangs, layers, etc... but as I remembered today, getting a haircut, there is still much I have yet to learn. The man cutting my hair last weekend commented "your hair so soft!" and other things about what he wanted to do with my hair that I had no idea what he was saying. He did hand motions and said "just this? is this ok?" and of course I still wasn't sure what he said before that so I sit stupidly saying "uhhhhh" trying to figure out what I should say before going to my default "yes" in Japanese. Which seems to be my most common phrase. Other than thank you.
I also somehow navigated picking up a prescription for allergy medicine too... they asked me something about where I live or am living, but it was probably more formal than I'm used to and wasn't sure what to say. Eventually they just took my alien card and wrote my address down. Yes, I could have done that, if only I knew that's what they wanted. Surprisingly, out of everything they said, I understood the directions the guy told me for how to work my nasal spray (that I've used in the States). I think they were surprised I looked liked I understood.
While we are on the Japanese topic, I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but Japan is obsessed with face masks. People wear them ALL the time it seems. Especially during this swine flu outbreak, or allergy season, everywhere you go people have got masks on. Obviously, in the U.S. masks aren't exactly popular, so even if I have a cold I don't wear a mask. However, when I went to the doctor last night (to make sure I didn't have the swine) they made me wear a mask after confirming my fever. So I'm sitting there trying not to get dizzy as I'm breathing my own air. David shows up after running to the grocery store, since I was a complete invalid, and laughed as soon as he saw me with my stylish mask. I honestly don't know how people here can wear masks all day, especially those that work in the medical industry, but even my coworkers are all wearing masks since some students have come down with H1N1. Just one of those things I suppose.
Oh, but please don't worry, my fever went down last night after our yummy homemade salmon chowder dinner. David and I have come up with a theory that my body seems to pull itself together when he's around, like he has some kind of healing effect on me. It's untested at this stage, merely derived from past observations. Ironically, I seem to feel ten times worse when I go to school.
Well anyway, for now I'm enjoying sick days at home. Unfortunately, not sure if I will still be able to have a Halloween party with my third year students tomorrow, and probably shouldn't make them cookies like I wanted to, so I don't go to class next week and suddenly mark half of the class absent....
This comes to an end now, but I am going to try and update more often. It's part of my resolve to become a more disciplined writer. (Then these posts won't always be so long either... )
It has been such a long time since I last blogged about the recent happenings, and I realized that I needed an entirely new focus. No more "goodbye" in the title most certainly, and I needed to find a way to rediscover my own writing. Not only that, but to be more transparent about the goings-on in my life... not that I haven't been transparent, in fact you all have read about the various embarrassing and crazy experiences I have had the past year and few months. This brings me to the tentative title for now, "Untethered." This word kept coming back to mind, so I figured, why not. Should I feel held back with my words? To some extent I suppose, don't need to let everything just flap out and around openly like underwear on a clothesline... but just to find some new step in my written thoughts.
So, on to other things!
I have had many things to write about in the past couple months but just haven't brought myself to write about them yet. Most recently, David and I went on a fun weekend trip to the Izu peninsula of Shizuoka, where we did archery in the crater of a volcano for an hour. Spent some time walking around the perimeter of the crater, taking pictures, admiring the view, dodging between the many Japanese visitors... After that we headed to our hotel in a city called Kawazu, akin to a small beach/hills town. After walking to our hotel, I became a bit wary by the warehouse look of it from the outside; however, once we went closer, there were lots of beautiful shrubbery and plants and inside was very quaint, and more western than Japanese. Of course, being a small town, it shuts down early and we didn't really find much in the way of dinner, but enjoyed the onsen at the hotel.
The next morning, we caught a bus and went to Nanadaru (Seven Waterfalls) that I went to last fall with a friend of mine. We enjoyed the short hike (except for all the stairs) and the outdoor, co-ed (bathing suits required) onsen. It was such a beautiful, warm, sunny day and we enjoyed it. All in all, it was a fun, relaxing trip, and we spent the holiday Monday relaxing at home before school started again.
Work is going well for the most part. It's nice to have some idea of what I'm doing as opposed to last year. I don't feel like I'm constantly floundering around and wondering what's going on (although that still happens on a regular basis). We had a meeting for an upcoming seminar among ALTs (Assistant Language Teachers) and someone asked what we do when the teachers suddenly all disappear from the room and we are left alone. Of course, some us laughed and mumbled we just sit there and pretend we have no idea so we don't have to do anything. I made a comment about learning to read the board and notes they write, as well as the calendar, so I know what is going on, in case it is something important. I was a bit shocked to find that most people (aside those that can read and know Japanese well) don't really try to read things. Or the fact that I seem to be one of the few ALTs in the prefecture who knows you can request redelivery of packages online... (saves the calling and dealing with the whole Japanese thing plus formalities which take forever to figure out and understand). I told David about these things, and he suggested that most people don't try to figure things out as much as I do. "But why???" I asked, finding this idea completely ridiculous. David shrugs, "they don't mind asking for help, they don't care, or it isn't that important to them."
This got me thinking about how I have been since arriving in Japan. I have learned to read things rather quickly, so I don't have to ask people for help all the time or rely on others as much. Granted, I still have to, more often than I'd like, but the fact that I have been forced to rely on others has in turn forced me to learn to read kanji very quickly. Or learn the Japanese I need to communicate in daily events. Such as getting a haircut. I'm still learning that one, since I know simple things like "I want a haircut" and how to say length, bangs, layers, etc... but as I remembered today, getting a haircut, there is still much I have yet to learn. The man cutting my hair last weekend commented "your hair so soft!" and other things about what he wanted to do with my hair that I had no idea what he was saying. He did hand motions and said "just this? is this ok?" and of course I still wasn't sure what he said before that so I sit stupidly saying "uhhhhh" trying to figure out what I should say before going to my default "yes" in Japanese. Which seems to be my most common phrase. Other than thank you.
I also somehow navigated picking up a prescription for allergy medicine too... they asked me something about where I live or am living, but it was probably more formal than I'm used to and wasn't sure what to say. Eventually they just took my alien card and wrote my address down. Yes, I could have done that, if only I knew that's what they wanted. Surprisingly, out of everything they said, I understood the directions the guy told me for how to work my nasal spray (that I've used in the States). I think they were surprised I looked liked I understood.
While we are on the Japanese topic, I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but Japan is obsessed with face masks. People wear them ALL the time it seems. Especially during this swine flu outbreak, or allergy season, everywhere you go people have got masks on. Obviously, in the U.S. masks aren't exactly popular, so even if I have a cold I don't wear a mask. However, when I went to the doctor last night (to make sure I didn't have the swine) they made me wear a mask after confirming my fever. So I'm sitting there trying not to get dizzy as I'm breathing my own air. David shows up after running to the grocery store, since I was a complete invalid, and laughed as soon as he saw me with my stylish mask. I honestly don't know how people here can wear masks all day, especially those that work in the medical industry, but even my coworkers are all wearing masks since some students have come down with H1N1. Just one of those things I suppose.
Oh, but please don't worry, my fever went down last night after our yummy homemade salmon chowder dinner. David and I have come up with a theory that my body seems to pull itself together when he's around, like he has some kind of healing effect on me. It's untested at this stage, merely derived from past observations. Ironically, I seem to feel ten times worse when I go to school.
Well anyway, for now I'm enjoying sick days at home. Unfortunately, not sure if I will still be able to have a Halloween party with my third year students tomorrow, and probably shouldn't make them cookies like I wanted to, so I don't go to class next week and suddenly mark half of the class absent....
This comes to an end now, but I am going to try and update more often. It's part of my resolve to become a more disciplined writer. (Then these posts won't always be so long either... )
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
A Year to Home
Finally, a morning without shrieking cicadas… I found myself in a deep, peaceful sleep, which is typically quite rare for me, only to suddenly awake (at 5 am) to a forcibly shaking bedroom. I sat up quickly and gasped “oh my gosh!”, knowing it was an earthquake but completely startled out of my nice, deep sleep. David, who has amazed me these past two weeks with his ability to think ahead of me and my reactions, quickly grabbed me and repeated “it’s ok, it’s ok…” Of course, it was just an earthquake, a 6.4 earthquake, and only a few small things tipped over or got shuffled about, so really any freaking out was truly unwarranted. I suppose my anticipation of it becoming larger and more intense, the building falling over, the roof collapsing in on us, the ground opening up and swallowing us, just took over any rational thought of “it’s just an earthquake.” And yes, I do come from the Pacific Northwest, and have felt a couple small earthquakes in my lifetime, but Japan is on four fault lines, so it’s not surprising I’ve already experienced a few just in the past year.
I was thankful this morning though, as the wind howled and rain continued to fall after we went back to sleep, that the cicadas were finally silenced. These small beasts seem to take over during this time of the year, and their high-pitched cries are enough to drive me mad, especially in the early morning when I’m trying to sleep. Each time their little shrieking sounds wake me up, I think to myself, “now, why doesn’t someone invent some kind of gun or weapon to shoot down cicadas from the trees? People invent all kinds of useless things and yet no one has come up with this? I would surely buy one…”
Following our earthquake, as I biked to the station to get to school (I can either bike 4 miles, or bike, catch a train and then a bus to school; today I chose the latter). However, the trains were shut down due to the earthquake and a massive crowd of people was hanging around waiting. After a quick call to David, decided to try and make the bus from the train station I would have gone to. So I bike there, only to arrive a minute too late, and as sweat poured and slithered down my face and back and everywhere else really, I gritted my teeth and pedaled onward to school. Amusingly, I ended up basically racing the bus (that I would have been sitting in, with A/C) and arrived at school the same time it would have dropped me off. Unfortunately, work proceeded as normal today, so no…. earthquake day? Sad.
My transportation drama to school actually began yesterday, the first day back to work for David and I. I decided to bike to the train station, only to miss the train. Call David, decide to take a taxi from the station I’m going to, but after arriving I realized my bus had not left yet. At least that saga ended well.
The humidity is still pretty high, although it has been slightly more comfortable than June and July, emphasizing slight. David and I enjoyed the much drier air in Guam; although Guam is humid, it alternates often so it doesn’t seem as humid as Japan (which is basically constant in the summer).
Guam, Guam… where to start… my first time back to the US (technically speaking) in a year. I was incredibly excited to use English again in everyday life before we left, although after a few days of being there, I realized how incompetent I felt using my native language. Of course, I use English often; I talk to David and friends and teachers and many students in English (although half of it ends up being slower, more simple English), but I’ve adjusted to using Japanese in every day life. Sometimes I am incapable of completely getting my point across, but after a year, I have made steady progress and feel more competent using it than before. Although to clarify, I still feel incompetent most of the time, like a toddler speaking Japanese. I smile and laugh when I hear children using their Japanese, thinking it sounds cute, and then realize I probably sound like them, but probably not as cute. 
So I found myself stumbling through words in Guam, not even capable of ordering ice cream. “Uh…. Can I…. uh…. I would like….wait…. uuuummmmm….. can I get….” “ please?” Then proceeded to say please with every answer I gave them to every other question they asked. I felt like one of my students, regurgitating some textbook English to communicate properly. What happened? Why can’t I speak? I speculated to David over the course of our trip. Finally I realized, that before coming to Japan, since I never spent much time in any foreign country, I never really spent much time speaking anything other than English, especially in every day life. I never thought about what I said, since for every day things, it was just automatic. Go to a restaurant or to get a haircut or anything like that… you just say things. In Japan, I have to think about what I’m saying a good majority of the time. My conclusion is that due to having to think so much about how to communicate in every day life, I don’t know HOW I used to do anything in English because I never thought about it. Since I never thought about it, I don’t remember how I used to do it. This realization only leads me to wonder what going back to Seattle will be like… especially since even in Guam, there were so many Japanese tourists and we still heard Japanese around us quite often. Or read it. It was everywhere. Like Japan came to the U.S. or something. Just rowed it’s islands across the Pacific and connected itself by expansive bridges. Or implanted itself smack dab in Alaska (well it would have to fit somewhere). Anyway.
We ate lots of non-Japanese food, did lots of duty-free shopping in American stores (K-mart was frequented often) that actually have things in our sizes, bought stuff for our apartment, and went through about 2 large bags of peanut butter M&Ms. We had to buy another bag of them before we left… and David, using that smart brain of his, bought another huge duffel bag for us to load up with all this stuff we bought to bring back to Japan.
We also went to see Transformers (since it was cheap), laid on the beach or by the pool (when it wasn’t raining which happened a lot – darn you rainy season) and went kayaking. All in all, it was a nice vacation/honeymoon, but we were both happy to come back to Japan.
We came back last Wednesday but I had to go back to Tokyo again on Saturday for the dentist. I felt so nostalgic as I went on errands around that extremely large city, remembering my first days in Japan just over a year ago. Surprising in some ways it has already been a year, and yet in other ways it was long. I find it interesting that though I am often out of my comfort zone, this discomfort has in and of itself become a comfort zone for me. The fact that I feel incompetent and always have to figure things out or constantly learning new things is some kind of new and strange comfort zone that feels like home. David and I talked about those thoughts this week, what it feels like to be back in Japan after vacation, how it felt like coming home. Of course, for David, Japan always is technically home, but for me it seems like it has become a second home… given the transition from my life in Washington to Japan, and almost entirely severing so many of the ties that held me there. David mentioned that with all that has happened here it probably does make it more like home, and it makes sense, because I’ve created ties here, with people, both foreign and Japanese, I got engaged and married here, and so much has happened and continues to happen that has tied me to this place now. Even if one day I am not living in Japan anymore, it will always be a certain, special place to me, just like Washington.
As a child, whenever my family went on road trips to Montana, I remember the sense of home I felt every time we came through those mountains and back through Seattle to Bellingham, it was just home. Now those feelings have slightly changed, and though still there, it’s as if coming back to Japan this past week made me feel the same way I felt as a child driving into Washington and Bellingham again. Staring out the window and seeing all that is familiar and yet unknown, I’d think to myself, I’m home.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Bittersweet Goodbyes...
I suppose this blog title will work quite well one last time - I should get around to changing it sooner or later.
Goodbye? What? Yes, saturday was my last day at Fukuroi High School. When in months past I have been hoping and praying for this day to come, as it signified being able to finally live with my husband, the past few weeks have hit me like rainstorm (how fitting in the rainy season) sleeting down and taking over.
Of course, this is not to say I am very excited to have David finally here, and start our new life in Shimada... and also excited to meet all the wonderful students at our new schools - it is just saying goodbye that can be difficult sometimes.
After practicing my speech in Japanese for a few days, and feeling incredibly nervous about it, the term-ending/farewell ceremony was held Saturday morning. The principal said a few words (about me getting married, etc) and then I walked up to the mike, praying my crazy butterflies to go away, my heart to stop racing. All in all, I managed the speech just fine, no tears shed since I didn't understand half of what I was saying, and then a student presented me with pink flowers as everyone clapped, and the students all returning my wide grin (of affection).
The rest of the morning I spent walking around and saying goodbye to all the students, to which I received cheers when I walked in their classrooms and various questions like "Is David Japanese?", "When will you have baby?" and many "I love you!", "Congratulations!", "We won't forget you!" and of course, girls wanting pictures with me. Every time I said goodbye during that last bit of time just kept cutting deeper and deeper, bringing me to the reality that I was actually leaving these students... Of course Shimada isn't far and I can come back and visit, I think there was just a lot influencing my feelings about all this.
I haven't received a lot of recognition this year, which I've heard isn't uncommon. Not that I do things for recognition, but to realize now, that I actually did my job well, when the whole time I was questioning most of what I was doing, wondering if it was good enough or not, hoping my students were learning and understanding, etc. I got all the confirmation I needed in the past week, with teachers telling me they enjoyed our classes together the most (team-teaching English classes) and that they will miss me and wish I didn't have to go. I was pretty aghast at this, so many people teach better than me I think, but I do try to make things interesting and enjoyable as much as possible...
And then, recognition from the students, realizing that my presence was important to them, even if some relationships were quite superficial. It reminded me of my relationships with youth and children back in the U.S., and how so often they work and blossom without deep conversations all the time, kids just like presence and knowing someone is there and loves them, has boundaries for them, makes them feel safe. So in that, even though my Japanese is still at a basic level (but has definitely improved a lot since being here) my relationships with the students still were able to grow and become something meaningful. I feel incredibly blessed in that.
One girl in particular, who's english is quite good (conversational), immediately connected to me in the beginning and our relationship has really been a bright spot in my life over the year. These things all remind me of the things I was made to do and what I'm good at, what just happens whether I'm aware of it or not.
So as I walked away from school mid-afternoon, being stopped by students on the way out, more "I love you"s and "I'm so sad"s, tears started escaping my eyes and I found my voice cracking finally, knowing full well I was about to burst open. Finally, as I was about to leave the driveway, the entire boy's soccer team turned from the field across the way, raised their hands in the air and started waving and calling "Ashurii! Ashurii!" and yelling "I love you!" (I seem to get "I love you" more from boys than girls, girls tend to say I'm cute...). So I gave a big wave one last time, as I let the tears fall, and eventually pulled myself away and walked home.
I'm gonna miss these kids...
Now, time to pack and clean, take care of last minute details, visit my new school on Wednesday, and wait for my husband to finally get here Friday, so we can move this weekend. Yes, time for a new chapter to start.
Goodbye? What? Yes, saturday was my last day at Fukuroi High School. When in months past I have been hoping and praying for this day to come, as it signified being able to finally live with my husband, the past few weeks have hit me like rainstorm (how fitting in the rainy season) sleeting down and taking over.
Of course, this is not to say I am very excited to have David finally here, and start our new life in Shimada... and also excited to meet all the wonderful students at our new schools - it is just saying goodbye that can be difficult sometimes.
After practicing my speech in Japanese for a few days, and feeling incredibly nervous about it, the term-ending/farewell ceremony was held Saturday morning. The principal said a few words (about me getting married, etc) and then I walked up to the mike, praying my crazy butterflies to go away, my heart to stop racing. All in all, I managed the speech just fine, no tears shed since I didn't understand half of what I was saying, and then a student presented me with pink flowers as everyone clapped, and the students all returning my wide grin (of affection).
The rest of the morning I spent walking around and saying goodbye to all the students, to which I received cheers when I walked in their classrooms and various questions like "Is David Japanese?", "When will you have baby?" and many "I love you!", "Congratulations!", "We won't forget you!" and of course, girls wanting pictures with me. Every time I said goodbye during that last bit of time just kept cutting deeper and deeper, bringing me to the reality that I was actually leaving these students... Of course Shimada isn't far and I can come back and visit, I think there was just a lot influencing my feelings about all this.
I haven't received a lot of recognition this year, which I've heard isn't uncommon. Not that I do things for recognition, but to realize now, that I actually did my job well, when the whole time I was questioning most of what I was doing, wondering if it was good enough or not, hoping my students were learning and understanding, etc. I got all the confirmation I needed in the past week, with teachers telling me they enjoyed our classes together the most (team-teaching English classes) and that they will miss me and wish I didn't have to go. I was pretty aghast at this, so many people teach better than me I think, but I do try to make things interesting and enjoyable as much as possible...
And then, recognition from the students, realizing that my presence was important to them, even if some relationships were quite superficial. It reminded me of my relationships with youth and children back in the U.S., and how so often they work and blossom without deep conversations all the time, kids just like presence and knowing someone is there and loves them, has boundaries for them, makes them feel safe. So in that, even though my Japanese is still at a basic level (but has definitely improved a lot since being here) my relationships with the students still were able to grow and become something meaningful. I feel incredibly blessed in that.
One girl in particular, who's english is quite good (conversational), immediately connected to me in the beginning and our relationship has really been a bright spot in my life over the year. These things all remind me of the things I was made to do and what I'm good at, what just happens whether I'm aware of it or not.
So as I walked away from school mid-afternoon, being stopped by students on the way out, more "I love you"s and "I'm so sad"s, tears started escaping my eyes and I found my voice cracking finally, knowing full well I was about to burst open. Finally, as I was about to leave the driveway, the entire boy's soccer team turned from the field across the way, raised their hands in the air and started waving and calling "Ashurii! Ashurii!" and yelling "I love you!" (I seem to get "I love you" more from boys than girls, girls tend to say I'm cute...). So I gave a big wave one last time, as I let the tears fall, and eventually pulled myself away and walked home.
I'm gonna miss these kids...
Now, time to pack and clean, take care of last minute details, visit my new school on Wednesday, and wait for my husband to finally get here Friday, so we can move this weekend. Yes, time for a new chapter to start.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Damp, Drugged and Dealing with Bugs
The rainy season. This stretch of time where the air is so literally thick it feels like slight resistance when moving. Like a perpetual fog that infiltrates all of this island...just one big sauna for your sweating pleasure.
What good does it do to even take showers in the morning, since you just become sweaty as soon as you walk out the door. I fear my every-other-day hair washing routine may come to an end quite quickly. We won't even talk about humidity and acne.
Does it rain every day? Of course not. Although one would probably assume that. I certainly did. Many pleasant, sunny days abound, albeit hot and humid. In fact, just this past weekend was one of thosehot, miserably humid pleasant, sunny days. My dashing husband and I decided to take a trip to our new home come the end of July - Shimada, Shizuoka. David had visited his school there the day before, whilst I was laying in a miserable heap in my equally miserable apartment, taking my first ever sick day from work. Yes, alas, I came down with some cold, trying to convince me it wanted to be a flu, and though I wasn't going to go with David friday anyway, becoming sick on the weekend of his visit did not put me in a very happy mood (on top of a sore throat, hacking out my lungs, etc).
So back to our visit. On our way we stopped to purchase some drugs that I was in desparate need of. My nose took a turn for the worse Saturday and thus left me exclaiming at 10 minute intervals: "DRUGS! I need DRUGS!" Usually, I try to go the natural way as much as possible, but I do have a couple weaknesses, my nose and "that time of the month." Back to the drug store: David, the fluent one, asks for what I need, and then tells me they have no non-drowsy kind. Apparently those are prescription only. Ok, well, something is better than nothing right? My reasoning somewhat far-fetched, especially since drowsy meds in the U.S. act like some kind of tranquilizer for me. We won't even talk about the effects of Benadryl. So I tend to stay far away from drowsy medication unless I just want to be put out at night. David reassures me that he has taken the same kind and he did not get drowsy. Again, my reasoning believes this must all be true, even for my particular body, and pop one of the sugary, M&M looking pills.
Shimada was quite lovely, seemingly quaint, and reminding us very much of Bellingham. We explored some and then went looking for a cell phone store (my provider) to ask some questions. Not long after this, walking back towards the main city area in the heat, I started getting a little dizzy. Not long after that, I started experiencing all kinds of strange symptoms, very akin to that high feeling I got after running in high school... It wasn't long until I was stumbling around and laughing hysterically at things that probably were not that funny. David speculated, out loud, if I would be similar drunk. That concluded our Shimada excursion, since I was too "high" to do anything... I resolved never to take any of these droswy meds during the day again. Unless I want to sleep.
The rainy season also seems to be forcing bugs to find shelter. That shelter seems to be my apartment. Oh yes of course, large spiders, centipedes, mosquitoes, etc. However, just this morning a large wasp was sitting on my living room ceiling. Probably one of the scariest things ever. I nearly had a heart attack trying to suck it up the vacuum. It did not go up the vacuum.... it kept flying out and I kept trying to suck it back up. Finally I got some wide tape, got the wasp just in the vacuum hose and pressed it to the tape. Then I shoved the end of the hose out the door and ripped off the tape so it could fly away. That is when I discovered a wasp nest under my kitchen fan vent overhang. So I then poked my mop handle out the vent and knocked it down. Of course now I keep walking around my apartment like a bear or something is going to attack me at any moment. Oh how much nicer it was to have a guy here this weekend to take care of these silly bugs...
Finally, I thought I might touch on the "uniqueness" of Japanese candy. From my perspective, it appears to be a reflection of the constant "want something new" trend in modern Japan. They come out with special seasonal flavors for so many things and they aren't just things like "mint" for Christmas or "berry" for the 4th of July or things like that in the States (though of course the past few years in the States some candy did seem to go overboard some... like M&Ms and Peeps...
Yet just today at a konbini (convenience store), I kid you not, but there were Apple Vinegar Kit Kats. Yes, Apple Vinegar. Did I buy them? I heavily considered it, but then decided I would probably deeply reject my actions. I now what Apple Vinegar tastes like... would I want to taste it in candy? A Kit Kat? I've tasted watermelon and grape Kit Kats (the former tastes delicious but the grape just tastes like Pepto-bismal) and various kinds of additional textures (of course haven't seen my favorites, mint and dark chocolate *Wikipedia says otherwise*, anywhere here in Japan). They also had ramune, which is the same flavor as that horrible soft cream I had awhile back... the one that tasted like toothpaste or something. So I did not try for any of these odd-flavored Kit Kats this time around. It just made me think about the Japanese obsession with new and different, on a very regular and very constant basis... because once something gets old, it either becomes classic (or tradition) or it just is, old. No longer favored, no longer interesting, just... old. Of course, the U.S. also does this in various settings and ways, but it seems that fads tend to last a little bit longer than they do here... of course, I may be slightly wrong, and again this is just my perception.
Well, my second sick day is almost over, and I need to shower (again), even if it is futile. Till next time... which may or may not be until after we move the end of July and then disappear for a couple weeks...
What good does it do to even take showers in the morning, since you just become sweaty as soon as you walk out the door. I fear my every-other-day hair washing routine may come to an end quite quickly. We won't even talk about humidity and acne.
Does it rain every day? Of course not. Although one would probably assume that. I certainly did. Many pleasant, sunny days abound, albeit hot and humid. In fact, just this past weekend was one of those
So back to our visit. On our way we stopped to purchase some drugs that I was in desparate need of. My nose took a turn for the worse Saturday and thus left me exclaiming at 10 minute intervals: "DRUGS! I need DRUGS!" Usually, I try to go the natural way as much as possible, but I do have a couple weaknesses, my nose and "that time of the month." Back to the drug store: David, the fluent one, asks for what I need, and then tells me they have no non-drowsy kind. Apparently those are prescription only. Ok, well, something is better than nothing right? My reasoning somewhat far-fetched, especially since drowsy meds in the U.S. act like some kind of tranquilizer for me. We won't even talk about the effects of Benadryl. So I tend to stay far away from drowsy medication unless I just want to be put out at night. David reassures me that he has taken the same kind and he did not get drowsy. Again, my reasoning believes this must all be true, even for my particular body, and pop one of the sugary, M&M looking pills.
Shimada was quite lovely, seemingly quaint, and reminding us very much of Bellingham. We explored some and then went looking for a cell phone store (my provider) to ask some questions. Not long after this, walking back towards the main city area in the heat, I started getting a little dizzy. Not long after that, I started experiencing all kinds of strange symptoms, very akin to that high feeling I got after running in high school... It wasn't long until I was stumbling around and laughing hysterically at things that probably were not that funny. David speculated, out loud, if I would be similar drunk. That concluded our Shimada excursion, since I was too "high" to do anything... I resolved never to take any of these droswy meds during the day again. Unless I want to sleep.
The rainy season also seems to be forcing bugs to find shelter. That shelter seems to be my apartment. Oh yes of course, large spiders, centipedes, mosquitoes, etc. However, just this morning a large wasp was sitting on my living room ceiling. Probably one of the scariest things ever. I nearly had a heart attack trying to suck it up the vacuum. It did not go up the vacuum.... it kept flying out and I kept trying to suck it back up. Finally I got some wide tape, got the wasp just in the vacuum hose and pressed it to the tape. Then I shoved the end of the hose out the door and ripped off the tape so it could fly away. That is when I discovered a wasp nest under my kitchen fan vent overhang. So I then poked my mop handle out the vent and knocked it down. Of course now I keep walking around my apartment like a bear or something is going to attack me at any moment. Oh how much nicer it was to have a guy here this weekend to take care of these silly bugs...
Finally, I thought I might touch on the "uniqueness" of Japanese candy. From my perspective, it appears to be a reflection of the constant "want something new" trend in modern Japan. They come out with special seasonal flavors for so many things and they aren't just things like "mint" for Christmas or "berry" for the 4th of July or things like that in the States (though of course the past few years in the States some candy did seem to go overboard some... like M&Ms and Peeps...
Yet just today at a konbini (convenience store), I kid you not, but there were Apple Vinegar Kit Kats. Yes, Apple Vinegar. Did I buy them? I heavily considered it, but then decided I would probably deeply reject my actions. I now what Apple Vinegar tastes like... would I want to taste it in candy? A Kit Kat? I've tasted watermelon and grape Kit Kats (the former tastes delicious but the grape just tastes like Pepto-bismal) and various kinds of additional textures (of course haven't seen my favorites, mint and dark chocolate *Wikipedia says otherwise*, anywhere here in Japan). They also had ramune, which is the same flavor as that horrible soft cream I had awhile back... the one that tasted like toothpaste or something. So I did not try for any of these odd-flavored Kit Kats this time around. It just made me think about the Japanese obsession with new and different, on a very regular and very constant basis... because once something gets old, it either becomes classic (or tradition) or it just is, old. No longer favored, no longer interesting, just... old. Of course, the U.S. also does this in various settings and ways, but it seems that fads tend to last a little bit longer than they do here... of course, I may be slightly wrong, and again this is just my perception.
Well, my second sick day is almost over, and I need to shower (again), even if it is futile. Till next time... which may or may not be until after we move the end of July and then disappear for a couple weeks...
Friday, June 12, 2009
Time & Ironies
I realize there has been an inordinate amount of silence from me since my last update. There are probably a few reasons for this, or what some might consider excuses.
The first reason, is that the longer I am in Japan, the more detached I feel from my home in Washington. Not in a geographical sense, since Washington will always be considered "home" to me, but in a relational sense. The world continues both here and there, and I am in this one, not that one. So that one exists without me in it, and moves forward, leaving me feeling that I don't fit there anymore. I figured this could happen, but how odd the sense is that your world is essentially no longer your world. So, in sum, this sense of detachment has left me less motivated to update... not that I don't want to share the goings-on with everyone, but simply that is asserts itself as less important... due to its normalcy.
Secondly, there was a wedding. Yes, my wedding. I don't care to write about the details on this blog, but this May wedding, around my birthday, was another distraction from writing and so has been the subsequent transition.
What else? Perhaps the feeling of normalcy. Things aren't new anymore. Not like they were anyway... the sparkle and dazzle has faded into somewhat of a matte. Things just are what they are. This doesn't mean I don't question things or wonder about them, but for the most part, things just are.
Lastly, it is time to say goodbye again. Not to Japan, but to Fukuroi. I just found out that I will be transferred to Shimada High School, in Shimada, Shizuoka. David will be going to Shimada Technical High School (also in Shimada). So, we're definitely happy we are placed close together and also excited about our new surroundings and starting a completely new life together. Just in these moments I'm also quite sad to say goodbye to some of the students and teachers and others I have met and built relationships with, despite the language barrier. Yet, it is time.
And moving. Again. It seems that, moving once a year has become a tradition for me. Every year, I pack up and move everything to a completely new apartment. In some ways, this probably helps me not to accumulate too much stuff, in other ways, it doesn't give me a sense of home yet. I'm hoping eventually, David and I will be able to develop that somewhere... and I'm sure we will. Then I can get a cat.
Things in Japan - the bugs are back in full force, and more so then the last time I said this. I kill about 2-4 mosquitoes (in my apartment) a day. I have bug bites that continue to appear. There are tiny little bugs crawling around. A few weeks ago a giant centipede suddenly appeared, sitting on a pair of pants. I screamed, grabbed the vacuum, and kept screaming as it kept maneuvering away. Then, as I was grabbing my trash bags to put out for collection, a giant spider suddenly started scampering out from beneath them. Again, I screamed, dropped the garbage bags, grabbed one of my shoes and kept trying to throw it at the spider (while screaming). Eventually I got it. Now I always pick up the garbage bags with caution.
I've also had two wasps try to build nests around my apartment. They are dead now.
I don't know what it is about me that the bugs love so much. Dirty little pests.
I've also been noticing various ironies in this dear country. For one, modesty here is an irony. Japan doesn't really have a taboo on nudity like Western countries do (although that continually changes). Yet, they are quite stringent about things like women ALWAYS wearing panty hose with skirts, especially to work. Even if they aren't going to work though, they still wear them. No one ever goes out without them. Or, the fact that in the U.S. at least, women tend to err on the side of caution, by wearing underwear with panty lines with dress pants and such. Japan however, seems to not even know what a thong is, or invisible panty-line underwear, because you can always see it. Same with bra lines or wearing a bra under a white shirt. There seems to be some strange misunderstanding about white shirts - do people really think it is fine to just wear a bra under that? Everyone else can see it. It makes little sense... why where panty-hose when you're showing off your underwear? And that... is a Japanese irony.
Or the fact that, they are so meticulous about sorting trash and yet, in my city at least (I believe it is different among different cities) everyone throws their paper and cardboard into regular burnable trash, instead of recycling it. I think Shimada has a stricter sorting policy than Fukuroi though. We shall see.
Of course, every culture has its list of ironies... it just seems that Japan's are almost too ironic in some ways - and also given it is not so much a diverse nation as places like the U.S. are. Needless to say, it keeps things comically interesting.
Well, I must go for now. My short break of iphone games seems to have left me with 6 mosquito bites on my leg... I don't know how it got that many so fast, but I need to go put something on these... Sigh.
More to say another day.
The first reason, is that the longer I am in Japan, the more detached I feel from my home in Washington. Not in a geographical sense, since Washington will always be considered "home" to me, but in a relational sense. The world continues both here and there, and I am in this one, not that one. So that one exists without me in it, and moves forward, leaving me feeling that I don't fit there anymore. I figured this could happen, but how odd the sense is that your world is essentially no longer your world. So, in sum, this sense of detachment has left me less motivated to update... not that I don't want to share the goings-on with everyone, but simply that is asserts itself as less important... due to its normalcy.
Secondly, there was a wedding. Yes, my wedding. I don't care to write about the details on this blog, but this May wedding, around my birthday, was another distraction from writing and so has been the subsequent transition.
What else? Perhaps the feeling of normalcy. Things aren't new anymore. Not like they were anyway... the sparkle and dazzle has faded into somewhat of a matte. Things just are what they are. This doesn't mean I don't question things or wonder about them, but for the most part, things just are.
Lastly, it is time to say goodbye again. Not to Japan, but to Fukuroi. I just found out that I will be transferred to Shimada High School, in Shimada, Shizuoka. David will be going to Shimada Technical High School (also in Shimada). So, we're definitely happy we are placed close together and also excited about our new surroundings and starting a completely new life together. Just in these moments I'm also quite sad to say goodbye to some of the students and teachers and others I have met and built relationships with, despite the language barrier. Yet, it is time.
And moving. Again. It seems that, moving once a year has become a tradition for me. Every year, I pack up and move everything to a completely new apartment. In some ways, this probably helps me not to accumulate too much stuff, in other ways, it doesn't give me a sense of home yet. I'm hoping eventually, David and I will be able to develop that somewhere... and I'm sure we will. Then I can get a cat.
Things in Japan - the bugs are back in full force, and more so then the last time I said this. I kill about 2-4 mosquitoes (in my apartment) a day. I have bug bites that continue to appear. There are tiny little bugs crawling around. A few weeks ago a giant centipede suddenly appeared, sitting on a pair of pants. I screamed, grabbed the vacuum, and kept screaming as it kept maneuvering away. Then, as I was grabbing my trash bags to put out for collection, a giant spider suddenly started scampering out from beneath them. Again, I screamed, dropped the garbage bags, grabbed one of my shoes and kept trying to throw it at the spider (while screaming). Eventually I got it. Now I always pick up the garbage bags with caution.
I've also had two wasps try to build nests around my apartment. They are dead now.
I don't know what it is about me that the bugs love so much. Dirty little pests.
I've also been noticing various ironies in this dear country. For one, modesty here is an irony. Japan doesn't really have a taboo on nudity like Western countries do (although that continually changes). Yet, they are quite stringent about things like women ALWAYS wearing panty hose with skirts, especially to work. Even if they aren't going to work though, they still wear them. No one ever goes out without them. Or, the fact that in the U.S. at least, women tend to err on the side of caution, by wearing underwear with panty lines with dress pants and such. Japan however, seems to not even know what a thong is, or invisible panty-line underwear, because you can always see it. Same with bra lines or wearing a bra under a white shirt. There seems to be some strange misunderstanding about white shirts - do people really think it is fine to just wear a bra under that? Everyone else can see it. It makes little sense... why where panty-hose when you're showing off your underwear? And that... is a Japanese irony.
Or the fact that, they are so meticulous about sorting trash and yet, in my city at least (I believe it is different among different cities) everyone throws their paper and cardboard into regular burnable trash, instead of recycling it. I think Shimada has a stricter sorting policy than Fukuroi though. We shall see.
Of course, every culture has its list of ironies... it just seems that Japan's are almost too ironic in some ways - and also given it is not so much a diverse nation as places like the U.S. are. Needless to say, it keeps things comically interesting.
Well, I must go for now. My short break of iphone games seems to have left me with 6 mosquito bites on my leg... I don't know how it got that many so fast, but I need to go put something on these... Sigh.
More to say another day.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Mosquito Bites & Bicycle Accidents
It’s official. The bugs are back. Over the past couple weeks the weather suddenly warmed up and humidity returned. Which is like an open invitation for the bugs. Each day I spend about 15-20 minutes of my time chasing mosquitoes in my apartment. Yelling at them, cursing them, their fathers and mothers, their unborn children who will probably torment as well. Though I kill one or two before I drift into sleep each night, I have far too many of those “buzzing by my head” episodes right as I find myself losing consciousness. I cringe, get up, stumble to the light, switch it on and stalk around my room angrily, looking for the offenders. Most nights, they seem to win, as I can’t find them. Sometimes they do their buzzing routine multiple times, keeping me up till odd hours of the night. My pet spider, who is graciously allowed to inhabit my place for free, is not pulling his weight. I discussed this with him just yesterday, but he seemed to be asleep.
And so… just yesterday morning I awoke to two mosquito bites on my arm, and continued to find bites throughout the day – including one on the small of my back. I had pjs on and was buried under the covers, so how he got there is beyond me, and also creeps me out since that must have been quite a feat. He probably went back to all his mosquito friends and told them of this grand tale of heroism…
So yes, spring. The cherry blossoms have come and nearly gone. I managed to get a few shots with my iPhone for you all, but really weren’t all as enchanting as I had envisioned them to be. It seems that their symbolism tends to be what excites everyone – especially for so many people who enjoy picnicking under the blossoms, otherwise known as “hanami.”
Now that the blossoms are dwindling away, buds of green have taken over. The hills around here actually look amazing, as the trees are so many shades of green and the cherry blossoms have given them an almost frosted look. Everything is alive again after winter and it is so refreshing.
In Japan, many changes occur around this time, in reflection of newness of spring. Such as the school year ending in March, and a new year beginning in April. Some teachers are transferred to new schools during this time, and within, school teachers are moved around by student level (1st, 2nd or 3rd years). So, I am teaching with some new teachers, whom I like, and also have more control of what is being taught in my Oral Communication classes, which has been even more refreshing and allowed me to really stretch out some more. Of course, I feel much more comfortable with what I am doing and find myself in these first classes just acting like my goofy self in order to relax the students and make them feel comfortable. I just hope all the good feelings last through at least this next term….(which runs until June/July). I spent part of Spring Break in Tokyo with David, which was amazing and all too amusing and again reminded me of how much I hate walking incessantly all day long half the time… especially when we were in search of food… we had to go to the U.S. Embassy 3 times to take care of marriage paperwork stuff. Of course, the third time, we had to go out and get a special envelope at the post office to put with my passport application, and since I didn’t want to come back and do it or mail it, we had to go out of the embassy, go to the post office, and come back. I didn’t know this before but when you go to the Embassy you basically go through security like at the airport. We have to take electronics out of our pockets and bags, take out liquids, put the bags through the scanner, walk through the detector, the whole nine yards. The most amusing part for me about this was how many electronics we had between the two of us. At one point, on I believe our 2nd or 3rd trip back in, David was trying to find his electric shaver somewhere in his bag, and since the bag has a million pockets; it was taking him awhile to search. I walked through the detector and was waiting patiently for him to finish digging through his bag, when one of the guards asked another guard (in Japanese) what he was looking for. The other guard replied “she-ba-“ (pronounced: shaaybaa, i.e. shaver) and started laughing, to which the other started laughing, and I of course started laughing because I found the situation so comical, as David is still, trying to locate the shaver…. (He did end up finding it though!)
I think pretty much most of the paperwork we had to do ended up being amusing more than anything and I had to try and keep from laughing in so many cases, such as when trying to be solemn and raise your hand to confirm you did indeed tell the truth on everything you wrote on such-and-such paper, or the fact that Fukuroi City Hall didn’t think we, as Americans, could get married in Japan, and then didn’t believe David’s middle name was his middle name (it’s Japanese and considered a last name in Japan), and finally when they asked David to confirm he was telling the truth about a translation, I, not really aware of what was happening, raised my hand and said yes too, to which both he and the agent told me I didn’t need to do that…. Oops…And, of course with the warmer weather, means I am out and about more. This also seems to translate into bicycle accidents. The first in my latest series involved me miscalculating the angle as to which I should take my bike up part of the curb. It wasn’t terribly steep, maybe a couple inches or so, but I ended up completely biffing it and fell off my bike, bruised up my arm and left hand.
The second incident I was just puttering home from the grocery store, hardly moving as I’m crossing a crosswalk at an intersection. For some reason I looked away or down, I don’t remember now, and ended up ramming into the curb on the other side (there’s a small 2 foot long corner of curb between the like 6 feet of flat sidewalk for the crosswalk. How I did this, I cannot really tell you. I braked, kinda fell, but still on my feet, as my bike flipped over (after the seat decided to jam itself into my crotch as hard as possible.) Sitting hurt for a few days after that. I also messed up the rear brakes pretty good and I had David on video chat that evening trying to help me fix them (it took forever).
My third accident was just the other day as I was pedaling down the sidewalk behind some person going really slow. I was keeping my distance but waiting for an opportunity to pass him. Finally as he crosses a street, he is veering to the right to go across the adjacent crosswalk. So I happily continue pedaling since I now have open sidewalk. Well, when he turned to the right, he immediately stopped, his rear tire directly in my path. This literally happened in about 2 seconds and I didn’t have enough time to avert my bike, and thus rammed right into the man’s rear tire (and the bike lifting up into me again… as if the pain I had before was some kind of joke). I probably yelled something out loud as this happened though I don’t remember now what it was, but as I caught myself falling and trying to catch my breath I muttered some “sumimasens” and hobbled off with my bike. He didn’t say a word, just turned and looked at me. And that was that. Maybe he couldn’t believe his lucky day, a blonde, female foreigner ran into his bike.
Why? Well, I am pretty much a kind of celebrity here. As the months have gone on, the stares never cease and I seem to attract a lot of attention. (We won’t even talk about what those ridiculous bicycle accidents do for attracting attention….) Lately, I’ve been wearing sunglasses so I can stare back without feeling bad. Sometimes I will meet peoples’ eyes but that doesn’t usually faze anyone. I wonder if my hair were dark brown if that would make a difference – something tells me probably not since I will end up attracting stares somehow anyway. David never seems to get stared at. Unless he’s with me. Oh wait, but then that’s me… We were on a park bench somewhere in Tokyo, just sitting there, talking or not talking, enjoying ourselves, and then every few minutes people walk by with their heads turned 90 degrees, just staring, to which I usually just start cracking up… No one has asked for my autograph yet, although I have been asked for my phone number before…
This is quite a lot, my fault for not updating sooner. Perhaps I will do better next time. Happy Spring!
P.S. David and I have recently had some interesting conversations about how things are at our schools, academics, clubs, etc, and so you might find what he has recently written about interesting (if you want to read more about how those things are in Japan, or at least a general representative, by no means representative of every school). http://aoyama81.blogspot.com/
Sunday, March 22, 2009
From Old to New
These days, I don't feel like myself. Maybe that is the point.
My health issues have constantly plagued me, engaging me in some kind of internal battle on a daily basis. Some days, I win; but more often than not, the issues win. Fatigue, low-energy, and various other ailments I have had the past two years. So far, with all the doctors and supposed "experts" I have seen, nothing has been resolved. I thought to just ignore it for the time being when I got to Japan - to figure out what to do later. It seems that ignoring it was a bad idea, as I have felt so much worse since I arrived.
About a week ago, I was feeling particularly bad, with intense off-and-on abdominal pain, in my liver area. Of course, since I have had Hepatitis A, I became quite worried about it and for about 24 hours watched my fat intake just in case. My eyes were also looking kind of funny the few days before that and so I was hoping I wasn't getting jaundice or something again. Well, then Saturday evening, as I'm typing away on IM to David as usual, suddenly I became incredibly light-headed. I had an urge to vomit almost, so I ran to the bathroom. Nothing happened, but my body started shaking uncontrollably and a wave of icy coldness overcame me. I stumbled back to my computer to tell David I wasn't feeling well all of the sudden... and was growing worse by the second. I was panicking, not knowing what was happening or what I should do, and David was afraid I might suddenly pass out, so he helpfully began calling people I knew that might be able to take me to the hospital... well this to no avail at that point in time so I tried my sempai (another ALT who kind of "looks after" new ALTs). I knew she had a car so I thought it might work, and sure enough she answered immediately and said she would come get me after she picked up her car (she had gone to Tokyo that day).
Well while I was sitting there waiting, and David checking to make sure I hadn't passed out, I thought what if my blood sugar is low, and proceeded to drink 3/4 carton of apple juice. I started to feel a bit better, and when my sempai picked me up she gave me a lollipop, which revived me quite quickly... though I was still having abdominal pain.
We go to the hospital in Fukuroi, where they tell us to go to another hospital in the city next to Fukuroi. So we headed there and waited for about an hour or so in the waiting room. Of course, I ended up having to call David so he could talk to the reception guys, since they didn't seem to understand me even though I kept pointing to my abdomen and telling them (in Japanese) that I had pain there.
When we finally saw the ER doctor, he briefly tapped my abdomen and then ordered a CT scan. I was surprised that was all he did...
I'm no stranger to CT scans since I've had one before, and I really don't enjoy them, but it turned out better than I thought because they didn't have to give me the imaging fluid I had in the states. After waiting for awhile, again, the doctor called us in and pointed out everything on my scan was normal. Then he pointed to my intestines and said "constipation" and my sempai, started cracking up hysterically... Of course I am trying to keep a straight face, and since I also knew the pain I was having was not constipation since I know what that feels like (and please, I'm sure you all do). Then he said "very much stool, very much stool" and kept repeating it, as my sempai is laughing her head off and says "Ashley, all you need to do is take a crap..." to which of course I had to laugh, so I'm trying to tell the doctor my pain isn't constipation while I'm laughing, my sempai is laughing, and he continues to repeat "very much stool."
Finally I asked to have a blood test done when I told him about my drastic blood sugar crash that evening. They took my blood, and we waited, again, for quite some time. As we were waiting, the receptionist guys started saying something about my supervisor coming, but I wasn't sure if they were asking me if that was ok or telling me. I said no, she didn't need to come, but again they didn't understand my Japanese I think. We heard clicking heels from around the corner and knew she had arrived. She probably thought I was dying and I really didn't want to worry her...
So then the doctor explained to all of us, that all my blood tests were normal. He said my blood sugar levels were normal, though I pointed out I had just drank a 3/4 carton of apple juice, a vitamin water, and eaten a lollipop. He seemed to think that didn't matter even though, of course it does. So then I dropped that, since I knew I wouldn't get anywhere with it, and instead starting talking about all my prior issues and what's been wrong with me (since my supervisor was there to translate). However, this ended up with me in tears as he kept saying nothing was wrong, and I even pointed out that I have not been able to gain weight in 2 years... to which they both thought that meant I wanted to get fat. "You want to get fat?" "No, I want to know that I can weight if I tried." "So, you want to get fat?" "NO. I want to be able to gain weight." "So you want to get fat?" ..............
The doctor then explained that my fat level is perfectly normal for the average, 23-year-old, Japanese woman. My lip curled up ever so slightly as I responded... "but I'm not Japanese..." This did not seem to phase the man at all, so I pulled the sleeve of my arm up to reveal my bony wrist, waving it in the air as I exclaimed "look at how bony my wrist is! Look! Look!" Again, no expression crossed his face as he replied "Ok, ok." (meaning, it is ok, normal, fine, why am I waving my arm around frantically...) At this point I was near tears, exhausted and exasperated by the entire night, so I jumped up and flipped down the waist band to my pants (which I think shocked both my supervisor and the doctor), pointed to my hips, (which are also quite bony, and jut out as if to try and convince, at least Americans, that I am near anorexic), and said "LOOK! Look at my hips! Do you see how bony they are?" Again, he calmly reassured me I was fine. I slowly sat down again, crying because my abnormalities were not apparent to this supposed expert. He finally asked, (as I am trying to stop crying) if I wanted a laxative to take home, to which I responded with a resounding no. Probably more than anything to protest his diagnosis. He then proceeded to ask the same question 3 times, to which my "no" became stronger and more defiant. I realize it was somewhat juvenile, it was just a laxative after all... but I am not a big fan of them anyway since they can mess up your system, and mine is already having issues.
I visited a doctor this past week after the ER, who supposedly specialized in internal medicine. When I arrived however, and gave her my extensive explanation of all my issues and all the things I had done to figure out what was wrong the past 2 years, she told me she was a Cardiologist and really wasn't sure what was wrong. She mentioned something about a skin issue, although I'm not sure where that came from since I am not having any skin issues. To her credit, she's a very nice lady and tried her best to help me, I actually ended up taking home a bag of hatsuga genmai (sprouted brown rice) for free when I saw her last time. She claimed it worked miracles for her when she has had problems before (though nothing like what I was talking about). Then I realized later at home the brown rice I had been eating WAS hatsuga genmai - it is the only kind of brown rice I can find at the store. It has some special amino acid in it: GABA. The doctor had explained GABA has anti-stress effects; it is very calming - but in my preliminary research I have found that this anti-stress effect is actually more of a sedative... Considering I'm tired all the time, not sure how great that is for me...
With these things, and other things that have been happening, I've recently realized how much I am struggling to figure out this new self and new life, as opposed to being my old self in my old life. Just with life changes, normal adjustments, particularly in a completely different place, is really forcing me to come to terms with these things and at the same time, bringing up things on a more magnified scale for me to address. They can be easier to ignore when they are the norm in every aspect of your life, including your relationships with others, but in a completely different life, you realize they aren't a norm. I realize it is a bit vague, but it could be different for everyone, maybe tendencies or habits you have, how you react to others and what they do, how you make decisions, or how much or little you function on feelings/emotions or rational thought.
In other news, the school year has ended here at Fukuroi High School. We are now on spring break so I try to keep myself entertained at work. The new school year, and seeing all those bright and shiny faces of new students, will begin April 7th. This weekend I'm meeting David in Tokyo for a few days, to take care of various things, and the cherry blossoms are all out and about now so if I actually remember to bring my camera, I will take pictures. We don't seem to have any blossomy trees in my city so things still look a bit lifeless, although some things have been blooming... and yes, the bugs are back. In fact I've already killed two mosquitoes in my apartment just this weekend (what with our 70 degree weather...). Of course now it went back to low 60's... and supposed to be in the 50's this week, but at least I'm not in freezing cold Washington.
Anyway, so, no I don't feel as much like myself. I'm somewhere between an old self and a new self, with of course, real parts of myself intact somewhere within. Though it feels stressful and at times discrepant, like I said, maybe that's a good thing.
My health issues have constantly plagued me, engaging me in some kind of internal battle on a daily basis. Some days, I win; but more often than not, the issues win. Fatigue, low-energy, and various other ailments I have had the past two years. So far, with all the doctors and supposed "experts" I have seen, nothing has been resolved. I thought to just ignore it for the time being when I got to Japan - to figure out what to do later. It seems that ignoring it was a bad idea, as I have felt so much worse since I arrived.
About a week ago, I was feeling particularly bad, with intense off-and-on abdominal pain, in my liver area. Of course, since I have had Hepatitis A, I became quite worried about it and for about 24 hours watched my fat intake just in case. My eyes were also looking kind of funny the few days before that and so I was hoping I wasn't getting jaundice or something again. Well, then Saturday evening, as I'm typing away on IM to David as usual, suddenly I became incredibly light-headed. I had an urge to vomit almost, so I ran to the bathroom. Nothing happened, but my body started shaking uncontrollably and a wave of icy coldness overcame me. I stumbled back to my computer to tell David I wasn't feeling well all of the sudden... and was growing worse by the second. I was panicking, not knowing what was happening or what I should do, and David was afraid I might suddenly pass out, so he helpfully began calling people I knew that might be able to take me to the hospital... well this to no avail at that point in time so I tried my sempai (another ALT who kind of "looks after" new ALTs). I knew she had a car so I thought it might work, and sure enough she answered immediately and said she would come get me after she picked up her car (she had gone to Tokyo that day).
Well while I was sitting there waiting, and David checking to make sure I hadn't passed out, I thought what if my blood sugar is low, and proceeded to drink 3/4 carton of apple juice. I started to feel a bit better, and when my sempai picked me up she gave me a lollipop, which revived me quite quickly... though I was still having abdominal pain.
We go to the hospital in Fukuroi, where they tell us to go to another hospital in the city next to Fukuroi. So we headed there and waited for about an hour or so in the waiting room. Of course, I ended up having to call David so he could talk to the reception guys, since they didn't seem to understand me even though I kept pointing to my abdomen and telling them (in Japanese) that I had pain there.
When we finally saw the ER doctor, he briefly tapped my abdomen and then ordered a CT scan. I was surprised that was all he did...
I'm no stranger to CT scans since I've had one before, and I really don't enjoy them, but it turned out better than I thought because they didn't have to give me the imaging fluid I had in the states. After waiting for awhile, again, the doctor called us in and pointed out everything on my scan was normal. Then he pointed to my intestines and said "constipation" and my sempai, started cracking up hysterically... Of course I am trying to keep a straight face, and since I also knew the pain I was having was not constipation since I know what that feels like (and please, I'm sure you all do). Then he said "very much stool, very much stool" and kept repeating it, as my sempai is laughing her head off and says "Ashley, all you need to do is take a crap..." to which of course I had to laugh, so I'm trying to tell the doctor my pain isn't constipation while I'm laughing, my sempai is laughing, and he continues to repeat "very much stool."
Finally I asked to have a blood test done when I told him about my drastic blood sugar crash that evening. They took my blood, and we waited, again, for quite some time. As we were waiting, the receptionist guys started saying something about my supervisor coming, but I wasn't sure if they were asking me if that was ok or telling me. I said no, she didn't need to come, but again they didn't understand my Japanese I think. We heard clicking heels from around the corner and knew she had arrived. She probably thought I was dying and I really didn't want to worry her...
So then the doctor explained to all of us, that all my blood tests were normal. He said my blood sugar levels were normal, though I pointed out I had just drank a 3/4 carton of apple juice, a vitamin water, and eaten a lollipop. He seemed to think that didn't matter even though, of course it does. So then I dropped that, since I knew I wouldn't get anywhere with it, and instead starting talking about all my prior issues and what's been wrong with me (since my supervisor was there to translate). However, this ended up with me in tears as he kept saying nothing was wrong, and I even pointed out that I have not been able to gain weight in 2 years... to which they both thought that meant I wanted to get fat. "You want to get fat?" "No, I want to know that I can weight if I tried." "So, you want to get fat?" "NO. I want to be able to gain weight." "So you want to get fat?" ..............
The doctor then explained that my fat level is perfectly normal for the average, 23-year-old, Japanese woman. My lip curled up ever so slightly as I responded... "but I'm not Japanese..." This did not seem to phase the man at all, so I pulled the sleeve of my arm up to reveal my bony wrist, waving it in the air as I exclaimed "look at how bony my wrist is! Look! Look!" Again, no expression crossed his face as he replied "Ok, ok." (meaning, it is ok, normal, fine, why am I waving my arm around frantically...) At this point I was near tears, exhausted and exasperated by the entire night, so I jumped up and flipped down the waist band to my pants (which I think shocked both my supervisor and the doctor), pointed to my hips, (which are also quite bony, and jut out as if to try and convince, at least Americans, that I am near anorexic), and said "LOOK! Look at my hips! Do you see how bony they are?" Again, he calmly reassured me I was fine. I slowly sat down again, crying because my abnormalities were not apparent to this supposed expert. He finally asked, (as I am trying to stop crying) if I wanted a laxative to take home, to which I responded with a resounding no. Probably more than anything to protest his diagnosis. He then proceeded to ask the same question 3 times, to which my "no" became stronger and more defiant. I realize it was somewhat juvenile, it was just a laxative after all... but I am not a big fan of them anyway since they can mess up your system, and mine is already having issues.
I visited a doctor this past week after the ER, who supposedly specialized in internal medicine. When I arrived however, and gave her my extensive explanation of all my issues and all the things I had done to figure out what was wrong the past 2 years, she told me she was a Cardiologist and really wasn't sure what was wrong. She mentioned something about a skin issue, although I'm not sure where that came from since I am not having any skin issues. To her credit, she's a very nice lady and tried her best to help me, I actually ended up taking home a bag of hatsuga genmai (sprouted brown rice) for free when I saw her last time. She claimed it worked miracles for her when she has had problems before (though nothing like what I was talking about). Then I realized later at home the brown rice I had been eating WAS hatsuga genmai - it is the only kind of brown rice I can find at the store. It has some special amino acid in it: GABA. The doctor had explained GABA has anti-stress effects; it is very calming - but in my preliminary research I have found that this anti-stress effect is actually more of a sedative... Considering I'm tired all the time, not sure how great that is for me...
With these things, and other things that have been happening, I've recently realized how much I am struggling to figure out this new self and new life, as opposed to being my old self in my old life. Just with life changes, normal adjustments, particularly in a completely different place, is really forcing me to come to terms with these things and at the same time, bringing up things on a more magnified scale for me to address. They can be easier to ignore when they are the norm in every aspect of your life, including your relationships with others, but in a completely different life, you realize they aren't a norm. I realize it is a bit vague, but it could be different for everyone, maybe tendencies or habits you have, how you react to others and what they do, how you make decisions, or how much or little you function on feelings/emotions or rational thought.
In other news, the school year has ended here at Fukuroi High School. We are now on spring break so I try to keep myself entertained at work. The new school year, and seeing all those bright and shiny faces of new students, will begin April 7th. This weekend I'm meeting David in Tokyo for a few days, to take care of various things, and the cherry blossoms are all out and about now so if I actually remember to bring my camera, I will take pictures. We don't seem to have any blossomy trees in my city so things still look a bit lifeless, although some things have been blooming... and yes, the bugs are back. In fact I've already killed two mosquitoes in my apartment just this weekend (what with our 70 degree weather...). Of course now it went back to low 60's... and supposed to be in the 50's this week, but at least I'm not in freezing cold Washington.
Anyway, so, no I don't feel as much like myself. I'm somewhere between an old self and a new self, with of course, real parts of myself intact somewhere within. Though it feels stressful and at times discrepant, like I said, maybe that's a good thing.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Spring on the Way
The weather seems to be undecided - winter? Spring? Winter? Spring? I sit comfortably in my apartment now, without the heat on, for the first time in months. The temperature is in the mid-60's - and the air is quite calm, the skies gray, outside. I hardly slept last night due to what sounded like some torrential rain storm. Rain and wind, pounding the windows, rattling the doors. I can't complain though, as it is so nice to finally enjoy a comfortable temperature.
So a few things to discuss from the past few weeks. One thing is now for sure - David's transfer to Shizuoka (where I am) was approved. There's a bit more ambiguity following this for how things roll out in the coming months - so we're hoping for the best. So I find it interesting, now, to think about being in Japan for some time. I am excited about it, and wouldn't have it any other way, but just strange in some ways since I never imagined I would be in a place in life such as this.
Last weekend, I attended the wedding of a coworker of mine. She's about my age and we talk somewhat frequently. Of course I committed so many faux pas I think I seemed pretty ridiculous. First of all, I don't own a dress, so I decided to wear a skirt and sweater, figuring those would be at least presentable enough. Yet, in Japan, most women dress up, REALLY dress up, and so all the women at the wedding were decked out in what seemed more like formal wear or something. Sparkly wraps, shiny heels, extravagant up-do's. And here was I...plain brown skirt, blue sweater (which was a V neck, like most of my sweaters, and though I wear a shirt underneath it and lack anything resembling cleavage, I think I scandalized the mother of the bride, as she couldn't stop disgracefully looking at my bright white exposed neckline. In Japan, most women's shirts are not V's, or they are very small V's, and they say that girls here prefer leg-revealing clothing rather than chest-revealing clothing), and my hair down. As if my blond hair isn't enough to make me stand out - the clothing definitely didn't do anything for me. "Hello! I'm a foreigner! Look at me!"
Tradition expects that wedding guests bring a monetary gift - in what apparently requires a fancy, decorated envelope. Well, I was at the store the day before the wedding, searching for an envelope, but I can't read all of the kanji so I wasn't sure which envelope to get. I asked Josh (David's brother) about one I emailed him with my phone, to which he responded that was for funerals so not to use that particular one. I was tired, and didn't feel like spending this much effort picking out an envelope, so I chose a more plain one with no kanji written on it. I also figured this act would cut down on environmental waste (I tend to use this as justification a lot...) Of course this ended in failure as well. I pulled out my rather plain envelope while waiting in line with the other guests, and as I peered around me, noticing all the sparkly ribbons, colorful papers, etc... I realized I had again committed some social mistake. I apologized as I handed my envelope to the attendant, who smiled and thanked me anyway. As I walked away to sign the guest book, I peered over my shoulder to see her stuffing my homely envelope under the pile so it was hidden. I couldn't help but laugh at that.
The guests all waited in a room drinking tea and non-alcoholic cocktails as we waited for the wedding to begin. The bride's mother attempted to converse with me in Japanese - I held on for the most part until she asked something out of my vocabulary range. My kocho-sensei (principal) saved me at that point as he came over to translate and talk to me in English. That began a long day of him announcing to each and every guest that I was next to get married.
When the wedding was about to start we were ushered out of the room. However, this was done according to family, then men, then women. I, of course, wasn't really listening closely and started walking with each group (family and then men) and my coworkers had to remind me to wait each time. You would think I may have noticed all the men at least when they called the men...
The ceremony was in some castle-like tower at the hotel we were at. It had a square-shaped spiral ramp that rose gradually to the top of the tower. The ceiling of the spiral was quite low, and held off from the main area by bars. So the guests all line up around this narrow "passageway", pressed against the decorative iron, and watching the procession in the center. The bride then walks down this corridor (with her father), as all the guests snap millions of pictures. The groom stands with the man performing the ceremony (who was a foreigner, to my surprise, though I couldn't determine his accent, as it wasn't one I am familiar with). As the bride joins the groom, the man, dressed in a cloak, begins with: "Welcome to my castle. I am the Lord of this castle," proceeding to perform most of the ceremony in English, though I doubt many people understood him. Getting married in Japan is slightly less complicated than in America (so it seems) and so all you technically need to do is go to city hall and sign a piece of paper - Congratulations! you're married. I mentioned this to a fellow teacher and she replied, "yes, but it is very difficult to get divorced!" Touche.
So as I bit my tongue to keep from laughing at this cloaked lord, suddenly smoke begins billowing out around the floor so they look like they are standing in fog. I think it was supposed to be romantic - or maybe just cover the less aesthetic green carpet... 
It wasn't a traditional Japanese ceremony by any means, but certainly felt like something you would experience in Japan. Like the rings floating down from the top of the tower, on a heart shaped pillow, held by balloons. Everyone oohs and ahhs and exclaims "sugoi!!!!" (like... great, or wonderful or something to that extent). After the ceremony the bride and groom walk back up the corridor as everyone throws fake petals right in their face. Then the bouquet toss... which was actually three fake bouquets (the bride kept hers). I joined in the catching fun, mostly because I was practically pulled in. Someone told me if I caught it I would be the next to get married (I don't think they knew we do bouquet tossing in America) to which I replied, somewhat tongue-in-cheek, "well I am the next one getting married..." Now, when you think of a bouquet toss, perhaps crazed single women pushing and shoving to grab the thing might bear image in your mind - but in Japan, because of the cultural mores of humility, the bouquets just fall to the floor each time and the girls all motion to each other to "go ahead", "no you, really, go ahead" and so you have everyone standing around motioning to each other to pick up the bouquets, whilst they just lay on the floor. I found this indescribably funny because of the irony...
The reception included various typical events akin to western weddings, cake cutting, stuffing cake in each other's faces, etc. The bride and groom's parents also walk around filling all the guest's glasses with some alcoholic drink (though I had OJ). It was an 8 course meal - of which I could only eat part of, or chose to eat part of because it tends to be fancy food which really just tastes horrible. Bingo was played...somehow I won. The entire thing. A portable DVD player was my prize, to which I've been attempting to figure out how to hack and make it all regions instead of region 2.
The guests are also given various gifts. I left with two bags and the centerpiece (everyone told me to take it). I received a few boxes of food, and some catalog you can choose an item from and order. Definitely different... but not anything we are going to mimic so don't get your hopes up.
And that folks... was my first experience at a wedding in Japan.
My restrictive diet is going somewhat well. I believe my body is going through some intense detoxing right now and so I am a bit all over the place - emotionally (and my wonderful fiance never complains - seriously that's a great guy right there...). So I can hardly eat anything but am trying to be creative and experiment, and hanging in there when I feel like driving my head through a wall. Valentine's Day has made the chocolate cravings all too intense, to the point where I have this incredible loathing for Valentine's Day simply because of its advertisements for creamy chocolate truffles....... oh sigh.....
I also think I may have discovered a food intolerance I have, though its still too soon to tell for sure. We'll see in the coming weeks if my hypothesis is correct or not.
Despite my constant fatigue and general blah feelings, I went to the flower arranging club (ikebana) last week so I could silence my superiors about their constant expectations for me to be involved - even though I probably do much more than they see, and hardly have energy to take care of day to day things, much less do more. So I went, and had fun with the girls, creating art of course with flowers. They were all amazed and asked if it was my first time, which it was. But... I used to do this kind of thing when I was little, with my mom, and besides, I have a general eye for these things, not to mention taking numerous art classes and learning all about how to create something "dynamic." Anyway, it was quite enjoyable, and has made it feel more like spring in my apartment, which is wonderful. 
I suppose this has now become quite long... and I do have more to do today in the way of cleaning, cooking, errands, etc. It's my domestic weekend.Until next time.
Monday, January 26, 2009
My Friend, Japan
What is this? The sun is now setting at a later time, and I am overjoyed at the fact daylight is slowly increasing again. I've had quite enough of the winter darkness. Sometimes I am jealous of the bears that sleep all winter. What a life.
Probably not too realistic though. What excitement though, that spring is heading this way, oh so slowly. As I was walking yesterday, I saw a flock of birds in their typical V, heading north. I was so beside myself with excitement and fascination - exclaiming in my head that this must be a sign of spring's forthcoming arrival. Although to many, the weather really may seem like nothing, what with endless sunny days and daytime temps typically around the 40s or 50s. Yet, I rarely leave the warmth of my heater. Nonetheless! I await spring with anticipation.
So tomorrow marks 6 months since I arrived in Japan (and ironically, today marks 6 months till the wedding). The months have surely flown by, and yet at times the days have a tendency of dragging on forever. Lately I have been contemplating the development of this pre-wedding relationship between David and I - how it changes, adjusts, and adapts. The more I thought, I realized the same idea applies to my relationship with Japan. Yes, relationship.
Those first days of overwhelming amazement, awe and fascination, strikes out on that note. I "fell in love" so to speak, as it wooed me... As time went on, its characteristics became more or less normal, feeling nothing out of the ordinary. I wave my hand to anything..."oh yes it's just Japan." And then, I realized recently, as time has continued, Japan has become a dear friend. As I learn its strengths and weaknesses, good and bad points, and experience it for what it really and truly is, it touches a deeper part of my heart. It reveals its true self, showing vulnerability and yet, unveiling the beauty God bestowed on it from its beginnings.
Though I still experience times outside of my comfort zone (which I am thankful for), this place is a comfort to me. I love to share its joys and sorrows, of course, primarily from my personality, and an outsider. I enjoy getting to know it, to learn about it, and understand it. So, I find there isn't another way to describe how I feel now about it other than express the blossoming of my friendship with Japan.
Of course, it likes to tease me as many of my friends do, and David (who leaves me with sore abs and cheek muscles from laughing so hard when we're together). A couple weeks ago, I put out a few items of laundry to hang in the sun for a bit. Since it has been so dry here, I usually hang the laundry inside to up the humidity a bit, but this particular day I thought to hang some outside. Well, as I mentioned previously, Shizuoka is a wind tunnel or something, at least western Shizuoka. Normally, if the wind is blowing and my clothes are out, they just get blown together at one end of my drying pole. But not this day.
I am sitting on my computer, as usual, after I hang the clothes outside. A little while later, I suddenly hear a crash and some other loud noises. I run to the balcony and pop out the door, to find nothing but a pair of underwear laying on the balcony floor. Um, WHERE are my CLOTHES??? I practically hang over the balcony railing in search of my clothing items, figuring they must have fallen into someone's yard. Sure enough, they had. Interestingly enough, not the neighbor directly below me, but the neighbor below and adjacent to me. There were my clothes, strewn about the yard, one shirt caught on a hook outside their back door.
I ran downstairs and rang the neighbor's doorbell. No one home. Blast. I ran back upstairs and wrote a note, detailing all the items I had lost in their yard to tape to their door for when they arrived back home. Thankfully, the note worked and all my clothes were returned. Probably the most important point of this story is that somehow the underwear had slung itself off the hanger and flipped back to the balcony while everything else decided to take a trip to the neighbor's yard. That, I believe, saved quite a bit of embarrassment for me and the man who brought my clothes back. Ah....sumimasen....
Friends also like to do nice things for friends - and because of various health issues I have been dealing with over the past couple years, I am going to try a stringent diet for a couple months or possibly longer (it's not weight related, so don't worry, if anything I could stand to gain a pound or two) to see if I can't fix anything. Well, to my amazement, I have suddenly discovered various websites I can order all kinds of organic and whole foods from, even vegetables. I was smiling and dancing around my apartment by all this good news. And when a box of goodies I ordered from one place came, it was like Christmas opening it. (It really did feel more like Christmas than the actual Christmas, at least the opening presents part.) So, we'll see how this goes.
Speaking of food, I need to go clean up the kitchen and make something to eat. Here's to 6 months.
Probably not too realistic though. What excitement though, that spring is heading this way, oh so slowly. As I was walking yesterday, I saw a flock of birds in their typical V, heading north. I was so beside myself with excitement and fascination - exclaiming in my head that this must be a sign of spring's forthcoming arrival. Although to many, the weather really may seem like nothing, what with endless sunny days and daytime temps typically around the 40s or 50s. Yet, I rarely leave the warmth of my heater. Nonetheless! I await spring with anticipation.
So tomorrow marks 6 months since I arrived in Japan (and ironically, today marks 6 months till the wedding). The months have surely flown by, and yet at times the days have a tendency of dragging on forever. Lately I have been contemplating the development of this pre-wedding relationship between David and I - how it changes, adjusts, and adapts. The more I thought, I realized the same idea applies to my relationship with Japan. Yes, relationship.
Those first days of overwhelming amazement, awe and fascination, strikes out on that note. I "fell in love" so to speak, as it wooed me... As time went on, its characteristics became more or less normal, feeling nothing out of the ordinary. I wave my hand to anything..."oh yes it's just Japan." And then, I realized recently, as time has continued, Japan has become a dear friend. As I learn its strengths and weaknesses, good and bad points, and experience it for what it really and truly is, it touches a deeper part of my heart. It reveals its true self, showing vulnerability and yet, unveiling the beauty God bestowed on it from its beginnings.
Though I still experience times outside of my comfort zone (which I am thankful for), this place is a comfort to me. I love to share its joys and sorrows, of course, primarily from my personality, and an outsider. I enjoy getting to know it, to learn about it, and understand it. So, I find there isn't another way to describe how I feel now about it other than express the blossoming of my friendship with Japan.
Of course, it likes to tease me as many of my friends do, and David (who leaves me with sore abs and cheek muscles from laughing so hard when we're together). A couple weeks ago, I put out a few items of laundry to hang in the sun for a bit. Since it has been so dry here, I usually hang the laundry inside to up the humidity a bit, but this particular day I thought to hang some outside. Well, as I mentioned previously, Shizuoka is a wind tunnel or something, at least western Shizuoka. Normally, if the wind is blowing and my clothes are out, they just get blown together at one end of my drying pole. But not this day.
I am sitting on my computer, as usual, after I hang the clothes outside. A little while later, I suddenly hear a crash and some other loud noises. I run to the balcony and pop out the door, to find nothing but a pair of underwear laying on the balcony floor. Um, WHERE are my CLOTHES??? I practically hang over the balcony railing in search of my clothing items, figuring they must have fallen into someone's yard. Sure enough, they had. Interestingly enough, not the neighbor directly below me, but the neighbor below and adjacent to me. There were my clothes, strewn about the yard, one shirt caught on a hook outside their back door.
I ran downstairs and rang the neighbor's doorbell. No one home. Blast. I ran back upstairs and wrote a note, detailing all the items I had lost in their yard to tape to their door for when they arrived back home. Thankfully, the note worked and all my clothes were returned. Probably the most important point of this story is that somehow the underwear had slung itself off the hanger and flipped back to the balcony while everything else decided to take a trip to the neighbor's yard. That, I believe, saved quite a bit of embarrassment for me and the man who brought my clothes back. Ah....sumimasen....
Friends also like to do nice things for friends - and because of various health issues I have been dealing with over the past couple years, I am going to try a stringent diet for a couple months or possibly longer (it's not weight related, so don't worry, if anything I could stand to gain a pound or two) to see if I can't fix anything. Well, to my amazement, I have suddenly discovered various websites I can order all kinds of organic and whole foods from, even vegetables. I was smiling and dancing around my apartment by all this good news. And when a box of goodies I ordered from one place came, it was like Christmas opening it. (It really did feel more like Christmas than the actual Christmas, at least the opening presents part.) So, we'll see how this goes.
Speaking of food, I need to go clean up the kitchen and make something to eat. Here's to 6 months.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
The Inspiration of Food
The winter months tend to be so dark and cold, when all you feel like doing is curling up on the couch with some hot tea, an inviting fire in the fireplace. Unfortunately, I lack two of those things, so my space heater and cup of chai satisfy for now. The fire is more for the ambiance than the warmth, but the couch I long for on a daily basis. Consequently, David hears about this couch yearning on an almost daily basis. That, among various other things, including a cat. It is as if I believe the simple act of repeating this information to him constantly will magically make them appear immediately after we move into wherever we will be living later this year. What can I say, I am always hopeful.
The kitchen, or in my case, lack thereof, has become a sort of solace from the cold and darkness. I usually enjoy cooking and baking, although it can be dependent on my mood or energy. It isn't atypical for me to pour myself a huge bowl of cereal with yogurt when I feel unmotivated or tired. However, during the winter break, when I spent much of my time the last week at home by myself, my excitement for cooking and experimentation was revived to a level similar to pre-Japan.
So let me introduce my new obsession: food blogs. As I perused the internet searching for recipe ideas I stumbled across some gems. Good food blogs incorporate tried recipes, mouth-watering photos and often little heart-felt anecdotes. My mindless hours were turned into warm adventures of the cuisine nature - marking and e-mailing various recipes, and then spending inordinate amounts of time at various super markets searching for ingredients to stock my tiny kitchen.
These ingredients all soon turned into edible masterpieces over the next week and the time following since then. I have brought the focus of my eating back to whole foods, and limiting refined, processed foods as much as possible. Living in Seattle, this wasn't hard to do, since you've got Whole Foods, PCC, Farmer's Markets, and various other organic and whole food type stores. So, living in Japan has been somewhat of a challenge for this, since they are limited when it comes to organics, and some healthy foods tend to be on the expensive side. (i.e. Brown rice is much more expensive here than I had ever found it to be in Western Washington). Fortunately, my local store has a small organics section, and I have found some places I can order from online. Now if only I could find more organic produce!
One recipe in particular I wanted to mention on this blog is for frozen yogurt. I found the recipe on one of my favorite food blogs, 101 Cookbooks. I have been missing Red Mango desperately since moving here, its soft, creamy peaks topped with bright raspberries and tiny chocolate chips - bite after bite surrounding the tongue in cold, sweet tanginess. Not to mention, the health benefits of yogurt. So after reading this recipe I immediately ordered an ice cream maker from amazon.jp, and it arrived within 2 days.
I spent about an hour at the super market deciphering yogurt labels in Japanese, to determine which would allow me to make excellent frozen yogurt. My first attempt was rather pathetic, as I wasn't patient enough to strain the yogurt correctly, and then I foolishly stopped the maker after it had started to try and fix the churn paddle. This last step immediately froze the yogurt into stiffness. No frozen yogurt that night.
My second attempt was the one to write home about. After allowing my yogurt to strain in the fridge while I was at work, then whipping it up with some honey, I plugged in the ice cream maker, pressed the "on" button, and scooped the yogurt into the churn. I went about my business as it noisily churned for about 20 minutes. I went back to check it, and to my delight, I was met with an overflowing bucket of soft, creamy fro-yo. I happily ate the entire thing (two large bowls) and felt a bit sick later that evening - but I don't regret it, as it was perfectly satiating to my taste buds.
Some other notable food blogs I discovered for my particular pursuits are: Gluten-Free Girl and Elana's Pantry. Both are gluten-free, but I find them full of healthy ideas, and relying less on foods that aren't as whole or healthy. Each links to more food blogs, but even just a web search will highlight various blogs depending on your particular cravings.
One thing I have realized is that reading about other people's cooking experiences motivates me to create my own culinary experiences. Similarly, as I also was reading various other blogs of different nature, I also find that other's lives inspire me as well. Much like reading a book, feeling inspired by the character's outcomes (non-fiction or fiction) and finding new motivation to move forward in whatever area of your life. Like discovering new tastes and ideas, new recipes for life may abound.
So as my motivation to cook has intensified, so has my motivation in other parts of my life. Rediscovering purpose in the face of change, learning how the changes apply and subsequently understanding the results, whether immediate or distant. To gain perspective is like gaining freedom, because the future becomes less fearful.
What am I referring to specifically? Probably a myriad of things - anything and everything I think about on a daily basis. It has already been almost 6 months since I've been in Japan, and how strange as it has felt so short. I still feel that I am adapting more each day, learning more each day, not just about Japan and its people, but about myself, who I am and where I am going. In that sense, being here is an outlet for me, a space to stretch the thoughts and inspire creativity. I've grown quite fond of it.
Anyway. I've finished my tea. It was nice chatting with you.
The kitchen, or in my case, lack thereof, has become a sort of solace from the cold and darkness. I usually enjoy cooking and baking, although it can be dependent on my mood or energy. It isn't atypical for me to pour myself a huge bowl of cereal with yogurt when I feel unmotivated or tired. However, during the winter break, when I spent much of my time the last week at home by myself, my excitement for cooking and experimentation was revived to a level similar to pre-Japan.
So let me introduce my new obsession: food blogs. As I perused the internet searching for recipe ideas I stumbled across some gems. Good food blogs incorporate tried recipes, mouth-watering photos and often little heart-felt anecdotes. My mindless hours were turned into warm adventures of the cuisine nature - marking and e-mailing various recipes, and then spending inordinate amounts of time at various super markets searching for ingredients to stock my tiny kitchen.
These ingredients all soon turned into edible masterpieces over the next week and the time following since then. I have brought the focus of my eating back to whole foods, and limiting refined, processed foods as much as possible. Living in Seattle, this wasn't hard to do, since you've got Whole Foods, PCC, Farmer's Markets, and various other organic and whole food type stores. So, living in Japan has been somewhat of a challenge for this, since they are limited when it comes to organics, and some healthy foods tend to be on the expensive side. (i.e. Brown rice is much more expensive here than I had ever found it to be in Western Washington). Fortunately, my local store has a small organics section, and I have found some places I can order from online. Now if only I could find more organic produce!
One recipe in particular I wanted to mention on this blog is for frozen yogurt. I found the recipe on one of my favorite food blogs, 101 Cookbooks. I have been missing Red Mango desperately since moving here, its soft, creamy peaks topped with bright raspberries and tiny chocolate chips - bite after bite surrounding the tongue in cold, sweet tanginess. Not to mention, the health benefits of yogurt. So after reading this recipe I immediately ordered an ice cream maker from amazon.jp, and it arrived within 2 days.
I spent about an hour at the super market deciphering yogurt labels in Japanese, to determine which would allow me to make excellent frozen yogurt. My first attempt was rather pathetic, as I wasn't patient enough to strain the yogurt correctly, and then I foolishly stopped the maker after it had started to try and fix the churn paddle. This last step immediately froze the yogurt into stiffness. No frozen yogurt that night.
My second attempt was the one to write home about. After allowing my yogurt to strain in the fridge while I was at work, then whipping it up with some honey, I plugged in the ice cream maker, pressed the "on" button, and scooped the yogurt into the churn. I went about my business as it noisily churned for about 20 minutes. I went back to check it, and to my delight, I was met with an overflowing bucket of soft, creamy fro-yo. I happily ate the entire thing (two large bowls) and felt a bit sick later that evening - but I don't regret it, as it was perfectly satiating to my taste buds. Some other notable food blogs I discovered for my particular pursuits are: Gluten-Free Girl and Elana's Pantry. Both are gluten-free, but I find them full of healthy ideas, and relying less on foods that aren't as whole or healthy. Each links to more food blogs, but even just a web search will highlight various blogs depending on your particular cravings.
One thing I have realized is that reading about other people's cooking experiences motivates me to create my own culinary experiences. Similarly, as I also was reading various other blogs of different nature, I also find that other's lives inspire me as well. Much like reading a book, feeling inspired by the character's outcomes (non-fiction or fiction) and finding new motivation to move forward in whatever area of your life. Like discovering new tastes and ideas, new recipes for life may abound.
So as my motivation to cook has intensified, so has my motivation in other parts of my life. Rediscovering purpose in the face of change, learning how the changes apply and subsequently understanding the results, whether immediate or distant. To gain perspective is like gaining freedom, because the future becomes less fearful.
What am I referring to specifically? Probably a myriad of things - anything and everything I think about on a daily basis. It has already been almost 6 months since I've been in Japan, and how strange as it has felt so short. I still feel that I am adapting more each day, learning more each day, not just about Japan and its people, but about myself, who I am and where I am going. In that sense, being here is an outlet for me, a space to stretch the thoughts and inspire creativity. I've grown quite fond of it.
Anyway. I've finished my tea. It was nice chatting with you.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Don't Know Why You Say Goodbye, I Say Hello...
Has anyone been wondering why the title of my blog is Sayonara, Goodbye? Well, if you've read the first post it was probably quite obvious as I hashed out a final dedication to my life in Seattle. I said goodbye to Seattle, and 9 hours later, hello to Japan. It was a physical and metaphysical farewell, to what had become a place close to my heart, and a life, identity, so familiar to me. The events of these past months have ensured a continual goodbye, to most of what I know of myself. The New Year faded in as listlessly as any other stroke of midnight... I shift my eyes to the clock, noticing it's 12, and find my mind drift to another thought. In fact it was today (January 2nd) that I realized for the first time it was actually 2009, and only because I saw some poster in Hamamatsu with a big, fat 2009 plastered across it. Just as we all say goodbye to an old year, I've been doing the same to myself.Before you start to think I'm becoming depressed from culture shock or something, don't worry, it's my identity that is getting the boot here, not my physical self. To most of you will probably come as no surprise that marriage is a big part of this identity-loss, but also just being in a place where my independence is being stretched and challenged in various ways to reshape it. My thinking, perspectives, ideals, are constantly being shaped, and mostly by listening to other people talk, and how they act. I am becoming different, just as I had spent the past several years figuring out WHO I was. So now, who am I and who will I become? Probably a better, maybe the best, version of myself, so why fight the process.
Foreigners living in Japan, with little Japanese ability (including myself, I'm working on it!) can formulate all kinds of preconceptions and perspectives on how people think, their intentions, cause and effect, etc. I seem to hear a lot of generalizations of Japan and the people, even by those who have more language ability and have lived here for some time. Sometimes, I am also tempted to generalize ways of life and how people are, but usually I end up taking a step back when I hear someone else generalizing something. Though Japan is quite homogeneous, I still find many exceptions, and it makes me think of how easy it is for humans, to be so influenced by not only their own culture but also their geographical or social "sphere" (ethnocentrism). We are limited to our experience, what we see, but we sub-consciously find ease in coming up with these generalizations or beliefs, because they are true in "our" world. Fascinating.
I thought of this today riding my bike back from the train station. The winter is so dry here in Shizuoka, but with perpetually clear skies. The mountains are beautifully blue and sharp in northwest, taking turns rolling up and down. Mt.Fuji sits as a backdrop to these in the northernmost corner of them... never visible in the summer, but the clear skies bring out its snow-capped top. Towards the south, where I live, are the green hills, the ocean far behind them. I thought of how beautiful the scenery is, and thought of how beautiful the scenery is in Washington, with mountains wherever the eye looks and beautiful waterscapes. It occurred to me as I contemplated generalizations, that scenery such as this is shared everywhere. They are all different, all with their own characteristics, but the general makeup is essentially the same. To put it more concretely, whenever I think about the differences, often cultural, the similarities always come to mind at the same time. It is a balance of the two, with a basic underlying nature. Generalizations - just don't always work.Enough of the philosophical pondering. So, as yesterday was New Year's in Japan, I felt I should do something culturally applicable. I haven't really been doing much else this past week as it was winter break and I've been enjoying lounging around at home. My supervisor had suggested I visit a nearby temple, which is apparently quite popular. It literally is only about a 15-20 minute bike ride from my apartment, just up the hill, but I just hadn't gone yet. So, I figured I would go to the temple, which is what many (if not most) Japanese people do during those first few days of the New Year, as is customary.
So, I hopped on my bike and pedaled out onto the street. Now, something important to know about Shizuoka, particularly where I am, is that the winter brings lots of WIND. It reminds me of Ellensburg (WA), the wind tunnel. So we have these super strong westerly winds, which makes bike travel quite an epic battle, as most of the main direction I go seems to usually be west. So as I pedaled out of the apartment driveway, I was hit by a huge blast of wind which knocked my bike off course. I pedaled maybe 5 more seconds when my ears started aching, that sharp pain you get from doing active things in the cold. I had to go back and grab my hat, which I have a tendency of forgetting and then regretting when I'm out biking against these freezing gusts.
I reach the main arterial near my apartment and find a long line of cars, stretched out past the bridge that crosses north/south over the train tracks that run east/west. I turn south up the hill, past my high school, down the hill to 7/11, to the bookstore next to the traffic light. I realize at this point the line of cars is also going to my destination, the temple. Makes it easier for me, I thought, now I know I won't get lost (although you all know having an iPhone, I can't really "get" lost anymore). So I pedaled gleefully on the sidewalk past all the cars, laughing to myself that I was going to get there before all of them. Honestly, these people would get there faster walking really. Then, my sidewalk ended.
So I kept on the shoulder for awhile but almost was driven off into some tea fields b/c of how narrow it was. I pulled off onto a sidestreet to determine my current location and figure out an alternate route. Some Brazilians walking by said hello and laughed at me, and then asked if I was ok in Japanese, but I think they were making fun of me, although I'm not entirely sure why. To any bystander I just looked as if checking my phone, could have been text messaging for all they knew. I may have had some odd expression on my face, but I have no idea.
I determined my alternate route and rode the shoulder on the opposite side of the road (yes, GASP, against traffic). I took a right and headed UP the hill and into this cool tunnel. I emerged to find myself surrounded by tea fields, everywhere, and windmills. I happily pedaled along with no traffic until right up to the end, where again, line of cars. After arriving at the main area, which turned out to be quite large with lots of buildings, I headed past all the food vendors and into the crowds. Weaving in and out, getting run into by small Japanese children, and speeding past people content to walk behind the people in front of them like cattle (I hate crowds). I discovered this temple place has a teahouse, which was quite exciting.
Then, in front of me, I gasp. The largest flight of stairs. Ever. In Kyoto, there were plenty of staircases since these temples seem to like stairs for some reason, but this... was just insane. I would liken it to the grand staircase at Kyoto station (which for the record, I walked down, not up). Groaning in my head, and cursing stairs under my breath, I headed up, still weaving in and out of people, tripping over small children and speeding past women in heels who seem to be having difficulties. In efforts to take stress off my knees I work on using my glutes and hamstrings. Like a workout video or something "1, 2, 3, rest, 1, 2, 3, rest". My heart rate rises since I don't do enough cardio exercise (biking doesn't seem to do anything for me most of the time) and I reach the middle. I think I am at the top, then I look up. More stairs. I mutter that this temple better be worth all this exertion. Then I think I can tell David I exercised by climbing this gigantic staircase. I think that I should come back everyday just to climb these stairs. I think that I forgot to get a water bottle on my way here. Etc....
Then, I practically fall on my face as I reach the top. I was so distracted in my thinking I didn't realize I had reached the top and so I took another imaginary stair step and stumbled forward. But there was the temple, packed with people. I am not sure what they were doing but it must have been something at least semi-important. I didn't care to wait in the line so I sort of meandered around briefly, took a few pictures, told myself to come back when its not so busy, and then headed down in search of food. 
That was the extent of my New Year's "celebration". Again today there were long lines of cars headed to the temple... some all the way to the train station (maybe 4 miles I would guess). I was a fool to attempt running errands today, so I can't wait for things to settle back into a routine again. Same for me, I have enjoyed having a break, and I don't really want to go back to work yet, but I know I need to get back into some kind of routine again. Not that I ever really had one to begin with...Speaking of the break, Christmas was last week. I made treats for David and his brother since I was visiting them, and I have to say the pumpkin bread I made turned out amazing. I kept thinking to myself how I wanted to eat it all up except that I wanted to give it to the guys. I also made another batch for some of my students who came for a "christmas party" on Christmas Eve. I made food, they brought a bunch of food (mostly treats) and we sat around and ate food and played some games, listened to Christmas music and chatted. It was such a blessing really, to be able to have time like that with them, when they are uninhibited and speak freely about things, also in English. That is the kind of thing I have been missing from Seattle, when I got to hang out with the kids I worked with, spending time with them, and it wasn't all structured. They are sweet kids, and kept talking about dangerous Japanese mothers. I also taught them the difference between a crush and a boyfriend (for English). Such vital English, I know.
Anyway back to Christmas Day, so I hopped on the Shinkansen to Tokyo. My new trick riding the Shinkansen now is to buy unreserved tickets (cheaper), and then I find two empty seats, I sit in the aisle seat (since I feel more comfortable on the aisle, I hate feeling trapped in window seats) and then put my stuff in the next seat. I then pretend I am asleep at every stop so people don't sit next to me. Although, they are usually scared of me anyway I think. Its a strange little quirk I have I suppose.
After I arrived at my destination in Tokyo, Ikebukuro, I somehow had to figure out where to meet David and his brother, and I wanted to crawl into a corner because of how busy it was. It is one of the busiest train stations in Tokyo, but they tend to stress me out, so I usually have my headphones in my ears to at least alleviate some of the situation.
After meeting up with the guys, the day was spent getting food, looking at fun electronic toys in Akihabara (me wishing I had money because there were so many fun things to buy and I didn't have any money to spend), getting more food and playing some videogames. It has been so long since I have played Time Crisis or any shooting game and so when they started playing one and I took a turn and all the old feelings came back. My turn ended so quickly - oh so sad.... how I miss the shooting games. We played the taiko drum game too... which I love to play, and I liked it the first time because I beat David's brother but then I played against David and he beat me. Psh. (I totally pretend I don't pay attention to the score but we all know that's all I pay attention to). Actually the last couple songs we did I couldn't pick up the rhythm at all so I just started randomly pounding and squealing and making exasperated noises. I failed.
The rest of the time was nice and I love staying in hotels... and got to see where they lived when they were younger and meet people they know and whatnot. It was a nice break. I was sad when I had to go back home. As much as I love ol' Fukuroi...
Well. What did this all have to do with goodbye. Just saying goodbye to 2008 and all that happened. Time to move on, look ahead, move forward, all that. Not in any stereotypical "New Year's goals" kind of way, but just to realize that sometimes its time to just let things go, and accept the changes to come... embrace them as essentials to growth and learning, and just, good change. So its just that time of year, to say goodbye, to myself and who I've been up until now - and say hello to everything new.
And to say goodbye for this blog entry, which has become so extensively long. Goodbye to sleeping-in too. Till next time.
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